illuminating night

after so long... X MADNESS REIGNS

2009-01-24T01:37:00.005+08:00

i thought this place died. or rather i put it to sleep. my last post was 2 years ago, like wtf??!!

haha, actually the only reason i'm using this place is because lj is being a complete pain in the ass by not letting me post pictures and show my shitz and feimao, so here i am! hahaha

haha, this entry is for my awesome shitz (debs) who is looking hot here and feimao (my conservative ah ma) to see my new awesome addiction! haha!!!

my shitz looking hot. haha, lubbs~

Yes, in honour or X JAPAN, who is the world's most fan-fucking-tastic awesome smexy band! i have dedicated my new year's wardrobe and myself to them!!! All of my clothes with the exception of a dress coz it only comes in one colour, are black red and white. My nails are manicured and blood red, and i will spray my hair to be red as well!!! Needless to say my makeup is also black and red and even my new tattoos!!!!! =) smexy stuff!!!!

so here they are:

this is the scorpion on my back, and i absolutely love it!

X Japan logo on my arm, its not perfect coz its the guy's first time but it's ok, i'll go back and let him touch up in a few days.

my new awesome manicured blood red nails with cool white swirlies!

here's a close-up of the design, a bit blur but yeah, sorry!

oh wells, that is it, bear with the pics first, my loves, i will show you the real thing when i get back next week. til then, i lubbs euzz and muax~

eventful

2007-09-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

tis been eventful.

from hospitals to schools to lovely company. haha, esp the past 3 days, been good!
oh well, my work's going down the drain, gonna flunk and yes, academics is in a mess. joy.

i'm gonna go. will do a proper entry, soon. if anyone's reading, i'm terribly sorry!

love?

2007-08-12T02:22:00.000+08:00

"Sorry, is all that you can say."
"Words don't come easily."

Love is a social construct. I wonder if it's a thing humans made up along the way to fill the void in them. Maybe it doesn't exist at all, we just think it does, and make ourselves believe it does. We are in love with the idea of being in love, so there never really is such a thing as love. We label special feelings as Love, only 'cause we can't find another word, the lack of a better word. Maybe jas is right, its just as excuse humans randomly come up with to try and explain the weird feeling that goes on inside.

But why try to put a name on everything? What's the point? For some of us, its helps us move on, helps us come to terms with reality. But what's in a name? Maybe some things just can't be named, or shouldn't be named, 'cause it might come out ugly and distorted. Our human minds may end up corrupting that which is good, leaving the pure tainted by our ignorance.

Its not what others say it is, it's much more special, much more precious. Their minds can never comprehend nor understand. So why bother?

How can something that seem so wrong feel so damn right? I can only justify it with the grey areas of life. Nothing's really black or white, its up to me to decide isn't it? I choose to paint everything grey, just different shades of it.

other parts of my life.

2007-08-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

i just went blog-hopping. And after reading so many blogs, i realise something, most of our lives are centred around one or two things only and its mostly school related and cca related. then i think about my own life, surprise surprise, its the same case. my life is centred around one institution where my focus is on two things, two CCAs. haha.

It makes me think,what am i losing out on? Where are the other aspects of my life? Reading bev's blog makes me realize that i've missed out on my other friends, other things in life, and i've neglected doing other things in life. There's just so much i wanna do, wanna say, wanna meet. I miss my other friends, and i wanna spend time with them. I want to do other things too, but i'm just so burnt out. Recently, i've been giving in to sleep a lot. Too much in fact, that i hardly have time to catch up. I'm trying, really, but just gotta try harder. When i think of my life, apart from my JC life now, i realise i have nothing! i have nothing much other than this JC that i spend almost all my waking hours in. I'm not complaining or detesting the fact, coz i'm in the companion of people i love there, but there's gotta be more to life, isn't it? And don't tell me that i've landed myself in this, true that i have 'cause of choices i make, but i'm not regretting them,i'm just wishing for more time. And i didn't exactly 'land' myself in this, its not a crime or whatever so it doesn't warrant such a tone, its my choice, but i just wish i can do so much more.

I went to church today, and asked the Lord for forgiveness. Asked Him to forgive me for all the things i've done, all the things i've neglected and all the things that are wrong with me. Then i asked Him to bless my family and friends, asked Him to lay His hand on the people i love, to bless them. For those studying, to give them guidance and knowledge that all will be fine, for those injured, to heal them with His power and for those who've burnt out these past few weeks, to help them find strength and renewal in Him. After that, i felt so much better, its as if suddenly i find my direction again. and i felt at peace.

i think i better make a list of people i love, its gonna be long, haha. and yeah people's blog, so i can visit them regularly, and drop them messages. Just so that, we won't be too distant and i don't leave them out of my life. And even though i cant find time for them, i'll tell them i love them still.

Insensitivity.

2007-08-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

How can you be so insensitive?

YOU, of all people.
Sometimes i hate you 'cause it hurts so bad.

Does rubbing salt on my wound make you feel better about yourself? DOES IT?!
You give a brand new level of meaning to the word 'insensitive'.

journey

2007-07-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

walk this road with me.

'cause then it will be memorable.

This is the road that i'll take, if I ever have to choose over and over again.

happy.

2007-07-22T08:11:00.000+08:00

Alright, i said i was gonna write a happy entry. haha.

Yesterday was good, yeah, had good company. I decided to be lazy, not that I haven't been, but ok, lazier and slack the afternoon away. Went out, spent the entire day outside, went to look for cargo pants at night, couldn't find any, but bought other things in the end. So it's cool.

I can't wait till next sat, hopefully it'll be even better than yesterday. It will be coz there's tapestry!!! haha, watched them do the dance today, damn nice! They all look so hot doing the dance!!!! haha, i'm so gonna go down to support them!!! :) BUT! it'll be better if I can drag those two along with me for a movie and shopping! haha. That would really be fun!!! haha, they provide good company, I always have a good time and good laughs although most of the time I'm the one that's being laughed at. rarr! haha, but its ok, it's THEM. haha

Now, I'm panicking over my workload but well, whatever. Come what may. haha. I really need some time off, but it's just not gonna happen anytime soon.

just swimming

2007-07-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

haha, i realise i haven't updated for ever so long. alright, shall update even though i have nothing much to say. or rather too much that i don't know where to begin.

i'm very lost and confused now to be able to blog about a certain thing or event. I'm like drowning and just swimming in everything that's happening that i've become incoherent. I'm living day by day, minute by minute, i don't have plans nor a schedule or clear picture of what's going on, all i know is that i've a hell lot of things to do and no time.

well, one thing's for sure, the J2 DEP A levels are over!!! haha, and i think the seniors' and all of our efforts paid off!!! I think the examiner was quite impressed with the pieces he's seen and i know that the seniors have all done great. Im really hoping for the best and that the results will be good.

I hate dealing with relationships. Sometimes i wonder what 'feelings' are, why we can feel so much for someone and like feel different towards different people. Its incredible yet frustrating at times. Unexplainable and undeniable.

well, i've written enough, said enough. Life's like that.

help

2007-06-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

心暖了又灰。
梦作了又碎。

why do we keep getting caught in this vicious cycle? sometimes i just want to stop feeling.
pain is derived only from love, because i care too much, it hurts so much to lose.

i cant stop the rain that's pouring inside.
god, i really hate crying.

i love you ah ma.

2007-06-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel so immature. because i give in to my own desires and subconsciously start to depend on others.

and then there are times when i don't use my brains and cause others to worry. i let my stubbornness and wilfulness get the better of me then i do the stupidest things.

shrugs.

Two nights ago, at my grandma's party, it suddenly hit me how much she's aged and how far she's come. i was filming a video of the party while they were singing birthday songs and the band played for us, then through my camera i looked at this lady of 87 and i realise how old she is. I see the wrinkles in her face, around her eyes, and her small frame which only reaches my shoulders. Then i remembered seeing the same lady in the pictures when i was looking for my parents' wedding pictures, she was a bit bigger, her face less wrinkled, her eyes brighter, she seemed less jaded.

but one thing remained, her smile was as genuine as ever, as beautiful as before. I could see that she was really happy, like true bliss. at the age of 87, she barely has white hair and she was still healthy, some sort anyway. I thank God then, for keeping her in the pink of health, because many people of her age or younger are bed-ridden, senile or even gone. Then i started to get worried, i started to fear that one day i might wake up only to learn that she's left for a better place, and for the first time in a very long time, i was afraid of death. Usually i just brush the notion of death aside, because i really don't give a damn if i'm to die the next minute, but i cant bear the thought of someone dear leaving me. no one can. i pray to God that He'd let her stay with me for a while more, couple more years, til she's seen all her grandchildren get married. Or maybe i could give her some of my years? naive but i really wish i could.

She's come a long way, from a small fishing village off the coast of mainland Singapore, on one of the small islands around, she raised seven kids. She saw them through school, although not all managed to complete their studies because they were so poor that only the youngest got to go to university. Then they moved to mainland Singapore and the kids started to work, and slowly one by one got married and started their own families. She retired and started to look after her grandchildren. Along the way, there were a few that gave her a few problems but she managed them. Being the strong lady she was, she pulled through so much to get to where she is today, the matriach of a family with four generations and close to 60 people.

she's really adorable and i love her dearly. But being chinese, we're not that prone to expressing ourselves openly. perhaps with my friends, i can do it because we're quite open. But with family, i find it hard to say it verbally, i write it in my smses and ecards, but i find it hard to tell her personally. I really don't want to regret not saying it or not spending enough time with her, i really must find time and courage to do it. For so long, we've taken her for granted, i keep telling myself she'll be there always, anytime i want to, i just have to walk 3 blocks and i'll reach her apartment, but i keep procrastinating due to work and commitments, and just simply cant find the time for her. I know this is so ironic to what i've just said, but after terms i will find time for her, i'll bring her out for dinner one day, to her favourite restaurant.

just wait another 2 weeks, i will bring her out and then spend a whole day with her, solely because she's my grandma and i love her so much.

june camp 2007

2007-06-10T17:35:00.000+08:00

So its over and done. 5 days of June camp.

Blood. Sweat. Tears. Literally.
I've so much to say, I’m speechless, I don't know where to begin and my mind's a blank. But I’m gonna try to blog anyways.

I’ve mixed feelings, emotional attachments and baggage. but, most of all, memories to last a whole year. Madam said to remember this feeling of euphoria and high, because months from now, we'll all need this feeling to continue on this journey, this long and arduous one. As we pumped and did our final push up and shouted "32nd", my tear ducts could no longer hold it back and I broke down. I cried for the people who's pumping with me, cried for the seniors and their efforts, cried for the ending of this camp, cried for the beginning of this journey. In the short span of 5 days, I cried buckets and almost everyday. I shed tears for the pain my fellow elects went through, for the sleep my seniors threw away just to refine the camp and help us to grow to our full potential, for my own incompetence and uselessness.

Throughout camp, I saw the love the seniors displayed, the love my elects showed and the burning desire the teachers and seniors have for us to grow as one council. Nothing could move me more than when they knocked it down and held in push-up positions for half an hour to one hour, just to push us to cheer to our limits, to encourage us. They took it upon themselves personally, the responsibility to teach us, and when we got it wrong, they felt guilty and took the punishment, they pumped for every council, did a push up for the past 31 councils in ACJC. They did all they could to groom us into the 32nd students' council and to pass the legacy down to us.

I really love them. Elects and 31st alike. But it’s bittersweet to see them pass down the legacy to us. During the 3G dinner, I saw something; the thing that the seniors are trying to hard to inculcate in us, the thing that madams say every council has. Its this bond that every council shares, I see the love the 31sts have for each other and this togetherness. This is why ACJC students’ council so one of the best, because they are truly one council, they understand it and manifest it in their actions. As for the 32nds, we walked into camp as individuals but we came out one council, and I know that with the passing of time, we can be just as good as the 31st, if not better, because we are one council.

Thank you 31st for believing in us when i could not believe in myself, thank you elects for trusting me when i couldn't trust myself, thank you God for helping me get through this week and pls continue to guide us as we become the 32nd students' council. Thank you to the teachers for guiding us throughout. To the seniors from the 30th and before, for coming down to give us encouragements and to share their experience.

To the 32nd, THANK YOU for all the encouragements you all gave me, when my physical strength wasn't enough to carry on, thank you for letting my encourage you because i learn from you too. thank you for trusting me and catching me when i fall, helping me to trust myself. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FUN AND EXPERIENCE and whatever comes, let us walk this journey together for the next one year. i know we can do it, because we are one council.

On eagles wings.

Pensive

2007-05-31T23:43:00.000+08:00

I just read Les’s blog. It’s amazing how she can make a simple night so beautiful. She’s got this thing going on, where she sees everything so peacefully, taking the time to admire and be thankful for the simple things in life. And its deplorable how I cant. Say, on the same night, going home, doing the same things, perhaps I’d do the same on the bus ride, but I’d be rushing to get home, hardly having time to take a slow walk and just enjoy the quiet time alone because my parents would probably be ringing me every minute. I need a brief respite, haha, how ironic this sounds, if only the world knew, they’d laugh. I need to slow down my pace of life, sometimes I feel its all routine, nothing really special, but still somehow, for everything in all its mundanity and mendacity, something real lies within, and it’s always this search to go back to the truth.

I slept the day through today, well then evening anw. I cant be bothered to do anything else. Had a pretty cranky day, not to mention the constant nagging and verbal vomit from one’s parents. I had the sudden notion of wanting to live on my own for a day or two just in the middle of shopping today. How odd. I just felt like living a day or two in the shoes of someone who’s say got her own apartment, lives on her own, is free without inhibitions and just being able to be herself, going home to a quiet, lonely but peaceful house, with the companionship of good music. A day of my own. How many of us can truly own a day we call our own? Being just an entity, a one man show.

I'd like to try that someday. A brief respite. A house by the lake in some other part of the world. I'll start anew.

I'd like to spend the evening like this.
In that chair, won't you sit with me?

sensitivity. or the lack thereof.

2007-05-17T21:06:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired.

wish it could all end.

never felt this way for so long.

people. work. tests.

how could such insensitivity exist? perhaps you are selective in your treatment. but maybe you should realize that we're only human, we maybe stronger than those you wish to shower affection on but honestly, if you had a conscience, you'd think twice about hurting us as well. the two of us are only human, we feel and we hurt too.

got it?

think again. think of your actions and your words, if what you say means so little to you then i suggest you shut the fuck up.

do you feel like a man?
when you push her around,
do you feel better now?
as she falls to the ground.

june!

2007-05-14T00:21:00.001+08:00

Had a family reunion today for mother’s day..haha…fun I guess…

Had a briefing on our trip to bintan this june! For my grandma’s birthday!!! Its gonna be so much fun, like I’ll be bunking in at the villa with my cousins and we’ll do lots of crazy stuff! Haha..the itinery is just fantastic! Moderately so, but well, its fun with my whacky cousins. I cant wait lah! i think i might extend my stay there, like me and my cousins might just stay on longer than the celebrations. i need a good getaway from the world. need to think. and i've always loved the sea, like a quiet little spot on the sand under a tree with the sea, wind and me.

june.

a time to recuperate.
a time to rest.
a time to relax.
a time to play.
a time to let loose.
a time i need.

so desperately.

june!

2007-05-14T00:21:00.000+08:00

2007-05-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

ok, im drowning in my mountainous pile of homework and sutff but yeah, decided to blog!

shall blog about my birthday! yay!

haha..spent it in theatre with the crew and tech people! love em to bits lah! haha...got tons of messages from seniors and friends in the morning! got lots of hugs too! haha...felt loved! :) got 4 birthday cakes this year! one was chocolate ckae that i shared with vic, second was a tub of ben and jerry's from my beloved crew and tech, they stuck 17 pocky sticks on top, damn sinful but i LOVED IT! haha...then 3rd one was a slice of black forest and 4th was a mango white chocolate cake, both from june and kelvin! love love love it! hah...got a couple of pleasant surprises! haha, like how i lost my sense of direction tht day, took train in wrong direction to clarke quay and then got lost at fort canning at night coz taxi driver dropped me off on the wrong side of the hill..haha...oh, i went to fort canning at night for 'A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM', got complimentary tickets from madam..hhaha...was samn good, i quite liked it! cant wait to watch schwa's puck, but it requires lots of movement and stuff and crazy girl sprained her ankle during midsummer's. sigh!!!!!

oh and i got my tigger pouch! yay!

all hail me, mistress of duct and making tape! haha...

2007-05-06T15:29:00.000+08:00

what the fuck!

irony of decisions

2007-05-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

sigh..i'm a genius..and as such, i've the ability to do the impossible! all hail me!

goodness, the number of people i've pissed off these 2 weeks (meaning this week and last), is incredible..dun think anyone has been able to attempt such an amazing feat. sheesh! but i know they're pissed at me only because they're concern, they worry for me...thus, i feel happy knowing people care :) i love you guys so much and i'm truly grateful.

i'm so not good at making decisions, coz i'm indecisive and greedy, i want so much more knowing i can only give so much. i need to draw a line, for many things alike.

i have made my decision..though reluctantly but i have to, i don't really have a choice..hah..the irony...

life is cruel, it mocks me, it gives me 24 hours a day, knowing fully well that i need so much more.

the helplessness of man or me actually, i sigh.

TIME management

2007-04-27T23:57:00.001+08:00

ok...i really need to manage my time properly! this time round, i'll get it right.

i need guidance!

i need to juggle academics with council elections and drama stuff, including running for com.

i need 72 FREAKING HOURS A DAY!!!!

ok, maybe insomnia isn't so bad after all...can try to do work whilst i sturggle to gain entry into la la land where chocolates rule and i don't grow fat from sinfully indulging in them..yeah i wish!

oh and if they have medication to cure insomnia then they should have medication for 'not feeling sleepy/stay awake' right? COZ I NEED IT!!!!!!!! omg! sleep is of least importance to me RIGHT NOW! cant afford it man!!!!!!

rarr!!!!

PW, school work, econs test, council, drama, etc small stuff

i've found one of the biggest mistakes in my life. That is to enter that school and spend four freaking years there.i'm only thankful for the friends i met there that mean so much to me...as for those wrong people who won't give me a break. ITS PAY BACK TIME! watch out, i'm not playing nice anymore.

busy busy busy!

2007-04-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

alright, after much deliberation(cues drum roll), i've decided to run for drama com. and for which post, its pretty obvious...haha...surprise surprise!

now the dilemna is whether to drop council or not...

suddenly i feel useless and weak and am highly amused at the foolishness of myself. i know myself better than anyone else and i know if i try i just might scrap through everything, but academics, council and drama...i will officially have no life.

and it might affect my health and in turn my moodswings and in turn my friends and family and etc etc..the list goes on forever! use your imagination if you must!

if you have good advice for RaRa and wish to make an impact in her life, pls feel free to approach her to voice your opinions...deeply appreciated. love!

*****************************************************************************

In our lives, there will be people walking in and out of our lives, some return later, but in one way or another, an impact is felt.

They could:
1. leave deep imprints in your heart you'd never forget them
2. cause mass destruction then leave quietly by the back door.
3. messes up your sanity then refuses to put it back, claiming she forgot!
4. walk into your life then never walk out again, not that you'd want them to
5. brighten up your day OCCASIONALLY!
6.just be plain unforgettable.

i'm glad that most of the people in my life belong to cat 4 and 6, there are the cat 1 people of course and once in a while a cat 2 comes by.

rarely do you get a mixture of cat 3 and 6, but i met one today...had a really long talk with said person. and am thankful for presence of said person. i amuse you don't i? well join the club, i'm amused at myself too...we can ponder about the meaning of life and existence together more often...haha..well, loving you lots :)

new perspectives.

2007-04-22T02:13:00.000+08:00

ok, so the narrow-mindedness of some people amazes me.

so i've been warned and made 'prepared' but i reeled back upon realization. can you blame me?

well, my conscience is clear, is yours?

think about it, don't be so quick to reply.

XD

anw, thanks dewei for dinner! haha..and i hope grace likes the bag! you better anyway babe! haha...is my brown bag that bad? maybe its exaggeration. i'd like to think it is anyway...i liked it..haha..note: LIKED! haha...

i'm thinking about that red bag at heeren...sigh...argh! its nice, i'll admit it! very nice in fact! but EX!!!!! SO VERY EX!!!!!!!!! rarr!!!!!!!!!

how now brown cow?!

this new week is gonna be so different. new embraces and old smiles. i'm only rediscovering.

I love the phantom

2007-04-16T00:53:00.000+08:00

Ok, I’m officially in love with Brad Little! He is so so so so so damn good!!!!

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA ROCKS MY SOCKS! It just swept me off my feet and took my breath away!!!!!!!!

ITS SO DAMN ABSORBING, I’m speechless!!!!!! And its worth every single cent of my $150!!!!!!

Firstly, the splendour and magnificence of the set is so ethereal! It’s so breathtakingly beautiful, I don’t think anything can match up to it! Especially the lake, all the candles and smoke, and the famous chandelier! I loved it when it suddenly lit up at the start and crashed down later in the show.

Secondly, the scene changes were so swift and quick, it was like magic and throughout the show, half my mind was on how it was done. It was truly as if the crew didn’t exist and the execution was impeccably perfect!

Thirdly, Brad Little is fantastic. He’s voice is so silky and strong, it’s mesmerizing and hence I’m in love!!!!!!!!! He played the phantom so well, it was stunning and his stage presence was damn strong!!

Fourth, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s music is so cuttingly pure and wonderful, its ingenuity at play!

Fifth, The special effects are just too cool! The lights and curtains helped to bring the theatre and audience into the play.

Sixth, there are many more reasons why it’s a whole new level of experience. To sum it up,

Its simply the magic of theatre.

JUST MAGICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deprivation

2007-04-13T02:47:00.000+08:00

tra la la...

i'm beginning to dislike PW because its depriving me of sleep

haha...tra la la!

ps. i'm weirdly high in a stoning manner..and incoherent too!! hey, its almost 3 am, don't complain!

so much to say

2007-04-10T20:47:00.000+08:00

ok people, first i have to apologize for the fact that i haven't ben updating coz my com was down and only til a week ago, then i got it fixed!!! and last week was theatre week, will come to that later but it means i'm busy and perpetually not at home! haha....

and this is IMPORTANT! to all my friends, pls do realize that i'm a very forgetful and kinda lazy little girl who doesn't really tag blogs, adds on msn or msg and call often. Most of the time is because i'm busy or coz i want to do it, but i only remember at the wrong time and i'll tell myself to do it later but later never comes. so pls do note that I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU OR STOPPED CARING FOR YOU! its just i'm forgetful! so pls, MSG ME OR TAG MY BLOG OR ADD ME ON MSN!!!!! more advisable to sms lah, coz i'll reply asap! hah..so yup, love you people!

*************************************************************************
i'm so sick of you! so so so very sick of you! i really cant take the fact that you boss everyone around and couldn't care less for others' feelings! yes, MY feelings! i'm only human, can't you tell?

you don't seem to spare a thought about what other people may feel or think, to you, its just 'me, myself and only me! i'm the greatest!' you need a reality check and the last time i checked, you're only human like me and the rest of the world! so start using your brains and act like one!

you don't seem to even consider what is coming out of your mouth, you say what you want, where you want it, when you want it, without considering for a split second who's involved and the consequences. you do things the way you want it, without bothering whether its gonna inconvenience others or not. and most of the time, all that comes out of your mouth is trash! nothing of any sense or feeling, and to top it all off, its all centred around you!

and stop being so selfish and only doing things coz it benefits you, think of others as well for once, don't give service just coz its convenient or coz in one way or another you will benefit! and i'm not talking about me, its everyone else that you treat. the problem is not us, its you!

**************************************************************************

i have so much emotions bottled up, i'd crack if i were made of glass.

its all inside and bursting out, its overflowing and its killing me!

anger.
helplessness.
depression.
desolation.
desire.
exhaustion.

how is it humanly possible to feel all at once?

but somehow i did.

*****************************************************************************

if only i could stop time.

i'd live in that moment forever.

*****************************************************************************

I LOVE WESTSIDE STORY

it means so much to me! i swear i was feeling so sad and depressed and lost on Sunday and Monday, i didn't think it was possible. i'd break into tears at the thought of it all ending, and i'd cringe in heartache when i see all my westside people in school..i know its really tiring and stuff and i know people who are just so glad it ended, but for me, i felt so lost after it ended! like what's next? i dunno. i just lost an aim or a target...

i know its post production blues and withdrawal symptoms and stuff and its like wearing off but still, i'd look back on last week and wish it would start all over again! For example, during chapel yesterday, all i could think of was that one week ago, while everyone was in chapel, i was sleeping in the black studio and then loading props onto the truck and getting whizzed off to the SRT! its just so unreal and so fast!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....i miss westside, i miss the SRT and i miss all the people in it. Polo mints, cold storage, raisin bread will never be the same anymore, i'll never look at them the same way anymore!

my heart aches so bad!

but i know its all worth it, i mean screw the recognition lah! who cares? i don't..because i know that as long as one, even if its just one cast comes up to me and gives me a hug and says she's thankful, it makes everything all worthwhile! i don't know how to express it, but every night when i give the cast flowers and they hug and say thank you, i just feel so warm and fuzzy and it seems everything just paid off! I know i'm doing all this for the people that mean so much to me and because i love the magic of theatre, so i'll never trade it for anything else!

***************************************************************************

i love 1AA4! :)

2007-03-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

this entry is all about love!!!!

firstly, 1AA4!!!!!!!!! my fantabulous class!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

top row(left to right): hon chyte, evona, ann, michelle, ianthe, grace, me, jialin, samantha ho

bottom row(left to right): xiao teng, daryle, weisheng, jefri, wan pin, samantha wyreweden, dewei, edwin, neville.

also in the class, but not in this pic, in the next one : jeanette(bottom row, extreme right in black), rachel(fifth from right, in white) and teresa who's not in both pics.

have i ever told you guys how much i love you? well, i do, i do VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love all the times you guys made me laugh even tho most of the time you're laughing at me after suaning me viciously!!!! haha.....but i love you guys for all the stupid, dumb jokes you guys crack and all the class outings we had, two so far, but nontheless, fun stuff!

dewei: sometimes i wonder if i hate you or not, but i guess the answer is not. EVEN THOUGH YOU BULLY ME EVERYDAY, GIVE ME WEIRD NICKNAMES, YANK ON MY BAG, AND ALWAYS TICKLE ME MERCILESSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess i dun hate you, coz you make me laugh til i hyperventilate. haha....and i'm not so dumb that i don't get what you're saying k? i understand k? and my goodness, don't be so drama can or not? acting like the world died on you when you know you can come back to ACJC! siao!i know you can act lah...haha...will miss you if we separate class! haha...and no grace, we're NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT a couple, or whatever you think we are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grace: ok, this girl used to help me when i get bullied, but nowadays, after she's together with weisheng, she's not helping me anymore hmph!!! haha...nvm lah, i understand, she MUST MUST MUST help weisheng..tsk tsk tsk!!!!!! i quote dewei, they're really a package, always seen together! hahaahh.....but anw, pretty babe, i'm really sad that you're leaving and i will definitely MISS YOU LIKE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but all the best in poly k? i know you will do well, but do come back and visit k? not only weisheng hor, must visit me too k? :D love ya!

weisheng: yes, grace's other half, HAHAHAHA...he's also known as dewei's disciple!! sheesh, he and dewei can gang up on me everyday, every minute!!!!!!!!! haha..but i always kick him! haha..not intentinally i swear, its just that i always happen to step on his foot! hahahaha....serve you right anw, for being so mean! but, i'll admit you're a pretty nice guy, helping me buy fizzy cola and stuff!!! haha...and also making me laugh til i hyperventilate, haha...great guy ya? will miss you too, if we switch classes, hope 1AA4 stays as intact as possible!

ann: my geog buddy! this girl loves shopping i tell you! haha....and we always sleep and stone in geog class together, and we countdown to the end of lesson together and always regret not ponning! haha...love you loads babe! must go out soon k? and dun be paranoid, i wun get angry at you k? XD

jialin: she is is so so serious about work, it makes me stressed! haha...but she's also so very fun to be with, always saying funny things even though she doesn't know it...haha....love her man! its so great to see her after so many years, we used to be in the same piano class when we were like super super super young! haha.then when we saw each other in AC, we were like 'eh, i know you!!!!!' hahaha...so funny, she rocks lah!!!!!!!!

ianthe: yo hubby! she has cool hair and is my cool huband! hahaha....very funny, and my cf buddy, as in she dragged me to cf(christian fellowship) the other day! haha...you rock girl! you pick up pool fast man! we should go play another day, drag the whole class together and then have loads of fun k? hahah...we can team up against them! hahahaha...no lah...but yup, go girl! :D

michelle: she's my swimming buddy, haha...she's damn nice lah, always encouraging me during pe and swim pe and stuff! hahah.....you go girl, haha..and her phone is damn mighty lah..hah...people queue up to use it to play quadra pop! haha...and attempt to break each other's high scores! haaha....sigh, i'm speechless...haha i dunno how to play, so forget it! haha...

jeanette: i love this girl so much! she really rocks! thanks for lending my your ipod during maths letures girl!!!!!! dunno what i would have done to survive those lousy lectures without your ipod man!!!!!!!!1haha....all the best in IB, come visit me and the class k? or i'll go over, all the best babe! and yup, keep in touch i'm missing you like mad man!!!!!!!!!!!

sam ho: haha..this girl is damn cool, i tell you, she's super talented in music k? and she's damn sweet, she think i'm elegant! hahaha....thanks babe! you rock haha......hope to stay in the same class as you k? and then we can have more fun, and get to know each other beter! hah.....

ok, i'm tired already, so yup, there's jus too many people to thank and too many people i've things to say to, to evona, all the best in rj, i know you'll do well, but always remember to come back and visit k? you rock my sox! and to honky, daryle and teng and etc etc, the rest of 1AA4, you guys are the best, you made me first three months worthwhile, and made it so much more fun! i cant possibly ask for more because i really love you guy and you guys are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we must go out son k? and i really hope we dun split up, coz i will miss 1AA4!!!!!! we must go out to play pool!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha....

1AA4 rocks my socks, and i love it!

ok, the next entry will be for my OG and then drama peeps, so much to say! haha...

and, replies to tag!

chin: yay man!!!!!! you found me!! haha..go diva! haha....i still wanna see your emo dance, and i will one day!

mark: baby! i love you too! and you're my mass dance parnah ya? love dancing with you! hugs hugs hugs!!!!!!!! XD

Sharyl: ochibii!!!!!! haha..love you too! see you in crew man! you rock!

YDW: haha..update already lah!

grace: i update liao, and yes, i miss you too! huggs man!

sick of school

2007-02-26T00:19:00.000+08:00

alrighty, i'm in a weird mood now...in a sappy romantic i-need-a-happy-ending kind of mood...AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! this is not a good thing!!!!!!!!!! i wanna watch anastasia and swan princess 2 and 3 now!!!!!!!!!! after watching clips from them, i wanna watch the whole movie now!!!!!! omg, i've school tomorrow and i haven't done my work, nor pack my bag, nor find my thermometer! i'm screwed beyond belief! oh what the hell!

i haven't been doing my work and packing my bags for the past 3 days anw, mainly because i left sch at 12 midnight fo the past 3 days!!!!! i'm not lying and i'm not kidding you, i seriously left school at 12 midnight, only to find myself going back to school in 6 hours time. lovely, i'm so bonded to the school, i just cant leave it. you're gonna have to take a rope to tie me up then yank me out of school. NOT! i'm so saturated with school, i don't even wanna go back tomorow! to add the cherry to the icing, i have council interview tomorrow, straight after swin pe! just fantastic!

well, one good thing is most probably, that i have a trip to bintan in june. its my grandma's 80+ birthday and the whole family, as in 50, 60 of us in four generations, are going to crash bintan! haha...fun fun fun!!! so its fun, sun, games and family! sweet! haha...cant wait for it! hahah....shall ask my cousin the details since he's the one planning it! hhahaha...

sigh, i'm really afraid, like afraid that my sec sch friends are gonna be drifting apart! seriously! its just so hard to keep in touch with our tight schedules, and no one takes the initiative to make a call or just simply to busy to even message! it sucks and heaven knows i miss you guys like mad! ok, we so gotta go out one day, or i'll go crash your JCs while i still can! haha....

right, i gotta go do work, pack my bag and hopefully my thermometer will miraculously appear in front of me as it heard my helpless cries for it! yeah right! i'm so deluding myself!

CNY

2007-02-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm so sorry for not being able to update over the cny hols, while everyone is updating like madness...so i'm catching up by doing lots of reading and laughing at the super funny entries...haha...sorry guys, for not tagging, i'm just lazy, and there's so much i wanna say, so if i tagg, i prob flood your boards or something! so yup, i'll go tag maybe tomorrow or sorts, i try to remember.

speaking of laziness, i haven't done any work throughout the hols, and i'm suppose to be doing GP right now, but the prospect of writing about the unattractiveness of city life isn't very attractive itself, so i shall pretend to not notice my GP worksheet staring at me while i type this entry...

anw, back to CNY! haha..the time of the year, when the colour red floods our vision and the idea of speaking to strangers don't seem so strange because you get lil red envelopes with moolah in them in exchange for those kind words and two oranges. and its the time when unmarried dudes and ladies, are happy that they havent grace the aisle and married people count their woes and watch helplessly as their bank account begins to fall if they have no kids to sort of make up for the loss of distributing money to strange lil kids who stare at them and say 4 auspicious words..haha....don't you wish you own the mint? i sure do :D

its the time of the year, when i see my efforts of weight loss go down the drain as i cant sem to stop myself from yet another serving of the delicious cny goodies and keropok that my grandma makes.

also the time of the year when i find out that my cousins' got new girlfriends/boyfriends and that another is about to get married and that another has given birth. and also to my horror that my younger girl cousin is not that young anymore and is in sec 2 already! ie i'm getting older.

blah, anw, i went back to malacca, and as i sit at the dinner table at the restaurant and look at my family, who's trying to drown each other and me(thank goodness i can hold my liquor quite well, i haven't gotten drunk ever! yay! XP) in gordon bleu and XO and martel and what have you, i realise i really love them. because they are the ones that i see maybe 3 times a year, if i'm lucky coz its hard to find a time to go back to malacca, and yet, i feel really right at home.

well, i spent the first day, sleeping and then going to visit relative and then sleeping somemore...was extremly tired, for no good reason...sigh... then the next day was spent visiting, and pigging out and slacking, and playing black jack which i lost and won back my money, i won overall, yay! haha....i'm good at this card thingy...haha...joking...

then today, i went shopping, was seraching desperately for these yummy love letters that my aunty bought and i wish to have possesion of but i couldn't find them!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! ok, nvm...i bought this really shiny purple bag...haha..yay!!! maybe i'll use it for school or something...shall think about it...haha...and many other stuff lah, i bought some goodies for the class...shall bring 'em tomorrow XD

i learnt alot about the states from my cousin who came back. haha..He told me lotsa interesting stuf, like how hot the summer is, and how cooking you own meals saves you almost 300 USD and etc etc...he's promised to be my tour guide when i go back packing in the states! yay!!! XD

***********************************************************************************

on another totally different note:

something else i learnt today: Love is never a two person thing. some say its a 6 person thing, coz you have your parents to count in. i say its a three person thing, you need someone to be the middle man and convey the message between the two when they quarrel or things go awry, because at the end of the day, these two are still in love, its just the right words are not said to convey the right message. how sad, when words fail us and actions no longer speak louder than our incorrect words and you cant find the right picture to say the right thousand words.

If Everyone Cared

2007-02-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm watching the music video of 'If everyone cared' by nickelback! its damn sweet and touching! Nickelback is positively the best and my most favourtie band!!!!!!!!! they're so good! and they make music that actually makes you think about not just yourself, but the world, and the people around you! i love them to bits!

anw, in the music video, it told the true story of people like Betty Williams, who led a peace march and petitioned for peace after witnessing a gruesome murder, and later went on to receive a Nobel Peace Prize. Then there was Nelson Mendela, who dreamed of equality and even though imprisoned for 27 years, led Africa to its first democratic presidential elections. and of course many more other stories of individuals and small groups that had a dream and acted upon it, to make drastic changes in the world, in hopes of making it better.

It got me thinking, what could other people do then? people like you and me, maybe we could start by actually physically helping some people, no matter if its lending a shoulder or just making them smile, and i wanna be better in the new year.

These two weeks been rough, seriously. and after the Chinese New year, i just want to smoothen it out and make the rest of this year even better. After Chinese new year, i wanna be better, at everything. So for the things that have been going well, and the things i've been doing right, i'll continue. but for the things i did wrong or the things that went wrong, i wanna change and improve. so there. :)

i quote the last line of the music video "Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -Margaret Mead"

so yup, these are the lyrics to the song. enjoy and Happy Chinese New Year! see ya in 5 days time! will miss everyone! :)

If Everyone Cared

From underneath the trees,
we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing amen I, I'm alive(i'm alive)
Singing amen I, I'm alive

[CHORUS]
If everyone cared and nobody cried,
If everyone loved and nobody lied,
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And I'm singing
amen I, amen, I,
I'm alive
amen I amen I, amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing amen I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing amen I, I'm alive

[CHORUS (X2)]

And as we lie beneath the stars,
We realize how small we are,
If they could love like you and me,
Imagine what the world could be

[CHORUS (X2)]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died.

randomness

2007-02-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

ok, blogger is so shitting me! i just finish typing and then it has all this account crap and i've to retype my entry! argh! i curse you, technology!

anw, i'm cracking my head over personal statement writing, and i'm officially certain and assured that i cannot be a sales person coz i cant sell myself for nuts or rather cant sell anything for that matter! the joys of roxanne! XD

anw, tomorrow's chinese new year celebrations, dunno if i'm going back to SC, but see how first! haha

and i just remembered that i forgot to thank some people for V day! haha... my injury aside, twas was a good day! haha...i got chocs! coz i gave out chocs too! so it was like mass choc exchange kinda thing! haha.....and i got a flower! pretty flower too! haha..and another felt flower, that doesn't die, haha..so claims dewei but yeah, thanks anw! so yup, V day was pretty fun and fattenning but not that i'm complaining! haha....

i'm a happy girl now, coz i've just bought my tickets for phantom of the opera! yes! i'm going to watch it! i wanna watch it like NOW! ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!

i cant wait for orientation 2!!!!!! so cannot wait for my OG to be reunited! but it means my class will have to split up! sigh, the practical jokes life plays on us,just great! pass on the pain...haha

anw, gotta get back to essay writing..its so weird, how my writing skills have deteriorated in like a few months time..haha...and i need to link people soon, like i'm missing out on blogs and stuff! sigh! any nice souls gonna offer me some help?

3 words

2007-02-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

ok, new google account rubbish and stuff but yeah whatever...not important.

more importantly, i just wanna blog lah.
This year's valentine's day is well...better than i expected, but i miss my peeps! :(

and yeah, i got my nail broken off.

like after club meeting today, we were walking out of black studio, i was barefooted, then this person with shoes just kicked my toe and as a result, a quarter of my nail broke off, and started bleeding. it was super painful and stuff, had to hobble to the toilet and lift my legs up like a contortionist or whatever and wash, stung like mad but yeah. then my friends went to get the first aid box, but they described my situation until it was like life and death that a J3 senior came to help. haha...but he was so clueless, the casualty (ie me) had to wrap myself!!!!!!!!! until madam came out, and help me by using alcohol swabs and stuff, so yup, she helped me bandage and my leg was ok lor..haha but i'll have to wear slippers to school tomorrow! sigh, feel weird.

you know, on Valentine's day, the most frequent phrase is most probably 'I love you' right? but the three words i got today, was by far, one of the most hurtful ones. seriously, if i didn't have to pretend i'm ok, i would have just died. It hurt really badly when it was said, or maybe its the speaker but if sticks and stones couldn't break my bones, those three words could break my heart, which, unfortunately, it did. so on Valentine's day, i have a broken heart! how wonderful!

my heartsong

Everybody's got a song,
they sing in their hearts.
but mine's full of sorrow, don't you know?

If each song had a colour, mine would be grey.
Like the london weather, and the showers of may.
On my heart, you carved your name,
and left behind only the pain.

If every tear i shed for you
was a note in my song,
the song would have no end,
for you're not just a friend.

So don't you hear this silent heartsong?
This one that's playing for so long,
i cant stop it, it goes on
til the day my heartbeat's no more.

ok, sorry, that was a bunch of lousy lyrics i wrote. blah.

THE DAY!

2007-02-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

alright, so today's the day. THE DAY! THE DAY!!!!

haha..yeah, i started off the day feeling damn high, coz i was so worried that i just got high, so as to keep my mind of it. so yea, then as the day went by, the anxiety built up, bit by bit, til it got uncontrollable in sch, meaning SC.

but before that, i got to have bleacher time today, yay!!! haha..then, went over to cjc to find victoria, then went back to sc with her and les.

then while they were going thru the pae sign up thingy, i was falling asleep! like wth?! haha..i rock lah, but then i woke up when they were gonna announce overall results! duh! haha...

then went outside khoo audi to collect my results, was super nervou and so scared, i was so terribly afraid that i couldn't even stay in acjc. i'd kill myself lah. so that's when the anxiety and fear scaled to new heights and i seriously started to lose control! the tears just streamed down my face uncontrollably, i couldn't even stop it lah. then i hugged so many people and stuff to try and calm down, but after i successfully stop tearing, in like 2 min, i started crying again. like madness lah, haven't felt so emotional for like 3 thousand years or something.

then i got my results, i didn't know that the real thing was in the purple sealed up document, i thot it was the no. at the bottom of the result slip, so i was like wondering how come this year everybody got 9!, like uh?! O.o then i realize that that was the number of subjects that got c6 and better, haha...stupid lil me. but yeah. then i had to get xinying to tear open my results, then tell me the mark, and then i started crying again!

1st, coz i was so happy i did ok, and can stay in acjc
2nd, i'm thankful its a single digit, tho not a very good one
3rd, it fell short of my expectations, i was hoping for a better lower number.

but i'm ok now, i've come to terms with reality, and i'm so thankful to my heavenly father, that He has blessed me so, and i got a single digit. i'm thankful, he's giving me a chance to stay in acjc. and so thankful i did ok and my parents were happy for me. i called them whilst crying, and my dad said he was happy for me and that there's nothing to cry about. but i just couldn't calm down.

anw, i'm just so damn glad that i got to see all my friends today!!!! for all those who did great like waiee, yeng yie and twins and basically everyone in the gang, i love you guys so much, and i'm extremely extremely proud and happy for you guys! I HOPE YOU GUYS CAN CONTINUE TO EXCEL, AND BE HAPPY IN YOUR COLLEGE, AND KEEP IN TOUCH! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm not sure whether i'm staying, but most probalby going to. like 90% gonna stay in acjc. because i've settled in already and familiarized myself with the place, people, culture. i like it here and what if my new jc isn't as good, then i'd be kicking myself in the head for the next 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so for now, it seems like the road is leading to acjc.

thank you to all those who' msg me before to wish me luck, and those after to ask my results and share your joy/sorrow with me. mostly joy tho! haha..so i'm proud of you guys!!!!!!!!!!! thanks to the seniors tho i know you're not gonna be reading this, and thanks to the teachers from both SC and AC! thank you for the love and support and care and well-wishers! love you guys loads as well.

haha, after nol tonight, i went with jon,jerome and kitty to eat at tiong bahru plaza...haha..kitty and i bought valentine's day presents and stuff and i think i kinda freaked jerome out but yeah..haha..sorry man! then, jon had to be a wet blanket and leave early! so me, kitty and jerome, we went to chinese garden, where it was pitch black and had no lights whatsoever! we walked down this pathway, and to this little patch, then we dumped our bags and went to the middle of the field, the one next to the mrt station, then we screamed really loudly!!!!!!!! like super!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just let out all the steam and frustration and tension and etc...so yeah, felt good, then saw many many stars in the sky, and honestly, if you bother to look and be patient, s'pore actually has alot of stars! like seriously!!!!!! then there was this guy who was star-gazing...we went over and like talk to him and he let us use or rather see through his telescope and i tell you, it was BEAUTIFUL! ABSOLUTELY BREATH-TAKING! I SAW SATURN!!!!!!!!!!! THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!! THROUGH THE TELESCOPE, I SAW SATURN!!!!!!!!! like what the?! haha..but anw, i did see it! and it was super cool, just that i cant remember that guy's name, he was from nj..haha...

i'm gonna die for nol tomorrow, what if i ant cant in a comedy?! im' gonna freak out like mad!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.stress stress stress stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X(

edit: 1.28 am. Sun morning

well, i realize i didn't really blog much about the Os. so here i am to update again. in addition to those i said above, i was like crying really badly ytd ytd ie FRI.haha...well i first started before the results coz i'm no. 31 and to have to wait for 30 people before the moment of reckoning was just like hell because it was excruciatingly painful!!!!!!!! and yeah, then when i got my paper, i cried even before i open the purple document coz i saw that i got a few As and like a few Bs so i kinda figured it should be a single digit kinda thing..so i just cried in front of my teachers. after which i cried again coz i hugged my friends and stuff. so it was like tears of fear and anxiety to tears of joy and relief, to tears of happiness and proud-ness for my friends who did well, to tears of sadness coz i fell short of personal expectations. well..what a wreck i was, then i had to zoom back to AC for NOL. how anti-climax

okie, first and foremost, i'd like to say that i'm really ok with my grades, as in i know its a ok grade and i should rejoice but the reason why i say i'm sad and disappointed was because i fell short of personal expectations. i was hoping for a single digit, which thankfully i got, but i also hoped for a 7 or 8. so yeah, i got higher, by now, you know how much i got already but yeah...i'm still thankful. so pls don't mistake me when i say i'm sad, i'm not trying to be fake or anything, its just i really did fall short of personal expectations and just kinda feel a bit sore about it...so pls forgive me if i got on your nerves :) thank you very much.

to all my friends, who did ok, but fell short of personal expectations or didn't do so well, i'm sorry for not being able to lend a shoulder because i was really trying to collect my own emotions yesterday yesterday, and was in such a mess, i was in no position to comfort anyone else, because i'd just make things worse. so yup, feel free to drop me a call if you wanna talk, or i'll call you guys soon k? no matter what happens, pls know i'm always here and that i'd do anything to help you. so lotsa love to you and i know things will work out for the best. i'm keeping you guys in prayer, all you guys, those who did well, didn't do well, whatever, all of my friends are in my prayers :)

ok, i've to update about NOL which is Night of Laughter, this performance thingy that i just did in AC for drama...i'll update tomorrow, or rather later today... :)

27 days and counting

2007-01-30T23:48:00.000+08:00

well, today's been eventful.

thanks senior, for the advice and yeah, just motivation. really sweet of you! :)

well, today got me thinking, even though there was no bleacher time, i was thinking today. since the start of school, its been 27 days. 27 long days.

I've settled in, but there's stilll stuff i've yet to internalise and live with. Its too different for me in a way, after all, its been 4 years. but well, hello world, i'm back again.

changes are inevitable, just gotta take it in my stride and well, overcome it. I cant change the fact that everything changes, but i can change myself, not to conform but to adapt. Its learning process, and i know i'm not alone in it, so yeah, we'll make it through.

i'm not particularly thrilled about the fact that next week is results week so i'm pushing it to the back of my mind, til it hits me like a meteorite and blah, but yeah, til then. shush! i wanna indulge in my happiness for a lil' while more.

i still am missing you guys like crazy and i love you peeps, and you know it! :)

for the world needs an honest soul...and you know how i feel...

incoherent and yet it makes sense

2007-01-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

Geez, you talk about loving in silence, hooboy, talk about it. I feel it man, perhaps not love but yeah, affection. Hey, we're only human. So whatever. But yeah...in silence is the punch line. How apt. blah...I'm incoherent.

Anw, you're turning me into a cynic, sheesh, I should really stop reading. Like just browsing of sorts. This kinda says a lot about my faith, doesn’t it? I mean yeah, being in a Christian school now helps strengthen my faith no doubt, but to think I'm wavering for someone who barely knows me and vice versa, is it wise? I wonder. Anyways, now that i actually typed it out, i realise i do very much I love Him whether you do or not, and this I will not change, no matter what. So if opposites attract, to hell with having something in common. You and me, we're different. You and me, we're all the same inside.

You feel comfortable in the places I feel threatened. You like being in places I feel otherwise uncomfortable. You're terribly talented in the areas I'm sadly not. How wonderful, the jokes fate plays with us. Honestly, on retrospect, I should retreat from that circle, I just don't seem to fit in there. But I do love the people there, just that we're so different, its tiring to keep up with your pace which is ever changing. Plus the fact that I feel threatened and inadequate there. and seem to be on tenterhooks all the time there.

I need morphine, aspirin, panadol. Whatever, just stuff. To make it all go away. What ever happened to good ol' 'An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.' I had my fair share of apples and kiwis today already, but it doesn't seem to be working. Doubt I'm curable. Certainly I'm damned.

I had Korean food for dinner today, had a bowl of rice. And boy oh boy, did it taste good. I tell you, rice has never tasted better in my entire life! I attribute it to the fact that I haven't eaten rice for almost a whole week. Haha…yeah, hence it tastes so good!!!

Church is out of the question for tomorrow, because I just had a clash with my father about shoes. Like wth?! Badminton game tomorrow? I' m super uninitiated when it comes to meeting new people. Blah, gotta throw my pride on the ground and step on it and ask my dad to help me with some school work, I'm shitting myself. Argh, and its all your fault.

And C. Chew, you little bitch. Quit bitching about me while you flirt on endlessly with your guy friends in your new found 'haven' ie ACS(i) which is overflowing with guys. if you really have nothing more to say that would interest your friends, then I suggest you shut the fuck up. Because you don't even know me, so quit thinking that you can judge me, or I'll walk over to your school one day, and slap the hell outta you. Destroy me one last time, I dare you. Try me, bitch. People like you just have the natural talent to bring the worst out of me. Screw you, though I doubt anyone would want to, anyone in the right frame of mind at least.

If you(the reader) don't understand the things I'm saying, don't fret, cause neither do i, i'm just rattling on since its 1-ish and my brain is in a state of randomness. hahahaha. How hilarious. Btw, the 'you' I'm mentioning above is not the reader, its someone else. Haha..

P.S I feel like deleting this now, but I shall resist the delete button. MUST! RESIST!

UPDATE:
if you read the above, when i said "i don't fit in"...i don't mean that the people and me, we don't get along. in fact, its the exact opposite, we get along just fine, they're really sweet people. i mean don't fit in as in schedule, coz we have totally different schedules everyday, its hard to find time to spend with each other, hence i feel maybe i should try to just give everyone some space to breathe. but well, we'll see.

i just remembered something i've been wanting to blog about for so long but always forget. forgive me. anw, i wanted to say that i feel God works in ways so profound and loving, i feel safe in His hands. i really do, because i realise that whenever something crappy happens or something gets me down, in devotions or chapel that week or the following week, someone will address that same issue and tell me God's word which helps me find the answers to the questions bothering me. It has happened so many times, almost 8 out of 10 times i find ans in God's word. So i thank you, heavenly Father, for guiding me along the way since the start of the year and giving me strength and faith to carry on. Thank you for answering some of my prayers, and for those that have yet to be as my heart desires them, i believe that you have a greater plan for me. So in your arms i rest, and in your love i know i'm safe. All these, in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

so now, i know that my faith is still strong, and i can keep going on. i won't waver, not even for you. haha..so i guess whatever i said above does not stand anymore. :) i'm glad i've found my firm stand. :)

school, woah!

2007-01-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

ok, so i'm gonna seriously blog now.

firstly, i feel stupid, for even thinking that way. i mean, seriously, i must be mad to even have felt like that about you. I'm insane to the point that i defend you endlessly when you pop up as a topic in the middle of a conversation. They say this, and i'll defend you, they say that and again i'll defend you, i'm positive i saw question marks hovering over their heads when i spoke so well of you so fervently. i tried to stop, but the words clawed its way outta my mouth, i should by right have more control over what garbage spills out of my mouth. Anw, thank you so much les and bev for listening to me like crap on and on and on and yes, fill your ears up with nonsense that seems to seep out of me effortlessly.

secondly, got screamed at today during rehearsals, SIGH! honestly, just to add on to the fact that having to tell the world i'm not in DEP is already painful enough because i'm constantly reminded of my weaknesses, i feel inadequate in my role today. It really freaked me out when he screamed, but after that when he called us back to the black studio, he was all smiles and stuff, and i'm like wth? you were just so pissed off at the fact that none of us, us being all five plays, had reminded our lines and blockings, and now you're being so nice about my blockings? like woah man, you're fast. but i'm thankful anw, for the kindness he showed in teaching a hopeless girl like me, he really raised the bar and made it all the more comical. and dewei, you're amazing can? what is wrong with you?! ok, nvm i don't wanna know, bu its fun sitting with you in class. :)

thirdly, pe was and is gonna be hell for me from now on!!!!!!!!!! i have swim pe! like no, i don't want to wear a swimsuit! not in front of people anw! but yes whatever, i shall not go into the gory details about today's mass pe. just know that i didnt mange to run in the time limit which was 5 min for 800m. sounds easy? well it isn't for me. too bad, so sad. yeah, i'm a sucker at sports, so sue me. but anw, i just cant do it, and to top it all off, after running we're to do 15 push-ups, 20 crunches and this sit-squat thing where you're back as to be straight and you bend your knees as though you're sitting. while doing all that, we have to count and reply like "yes, sir!", "no, sir!"and if the teachers are not happy, you could jolly well have done 10 crunches, but they will disqualify and you start from zero. yay! note the sarcasm. nvm, its a good losing weight programme, no wonder all the j2s are so freaking fit. i know other jcs are just as bad, but honestly, we're talking about me, the world's worst sports person!!! alright, enuff said.

so yes, i have to go now, to complete stupid math tutorials which i don't understand, and do class stuff such as relay system and blah and to go memorise my lines. I have no desire to anger him again. Oh, and gotta read econs tutorial, i seriously love econs! must be influence from my form teacher, my class is talking in economic terms now! opportunity cost, scarcity, resources, PPC, and etc etc!

ta.

prom photos

2007-01-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

prom photos for pj

Just you.

2007-01-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

Do you know i cant breathe when you're around?

i lose all control of thoughts and words when i see you?

i'm no longer myself in front of you.

"Everytime i see your face, my mind becomes an empty space." exactly my sentiments.

Its so heartbreaking just to know you're there.

I wish i never met you.

You don't ever see me.

School.

2007-01-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

ok, so i'm thinking if there's something terribly wrong with me. because i'm strangely quite free, or rather, i'm choosing to neglect my work for the time being.

i have a few tutorials and i'm willing myself to read notes beforehand, which i have been doing so yay me. But compared to the amount of work some of my OG mates have, mine is like peanuts. They have heaps and mountains of tutorials to do, and they MUG! yes, my OG mugs, its so scary, they're such a hardworking lovable bunch that i get stressed out by them and wonder if i'm missing out on something coz my workload is so little.

honestly, i saw clement's physics note today, and its thick and heavy enough to sink a ping pong ball...wait, that's a weird analogy but anw, its just friggin thick. and the only thick set of note i have is my econs notes, which i have qualms about readding coz its fun, i like econs! haha...plus the fact that my CT is an econs teacher, haha...

so yup, i haven't done my work yet, but i'm gonna finish it up tomorrow before school starts on Mon. and i have to exercise tomorrow coz i haven't gone gyming this week, crap. I think i put back all the weight i lost already..ok whatever. i sound like a health freak now, but actually i'm not, i don't do much lah, these exercises that i say and think about are on the calendars but never in my life, i'm such a loser.

Mon is when school starts full swing, no more slack time, no more lectures only and i cant see my OG anymore!!!!!!!! i really have grown so attached to the in the past 2-3 weeks!!! like on thur morning when we had to sit with my classes, i felt so lost again coz i didn't have my OG mates with me, it was like a deja-vu feeling coz i felt like that on the first day of school as well. then when i got to see them after assembly, i almost wanted to hug them lah, but i didn't, was just super hyper and uber happy!

i really love you guys, andvari!!! All of you plus chris, steph and huiyu! We must still try to sit together and go out k? Don't ever let us become strangers!!!!! i'll miss joen and clement's lame jokes, mark's witty comments which i've grown accustomed to,hakim's perpetual smile, pj's constant laughter, teck sing and me making fun of stupid maths teacher, denise and jocelyn and sarah and jolyn talking and laughing about absolutely everything,calvin's frankness, cephas and his bridge,scharl and xiwen's sweetness,daniel's quietness,fan bin, sarah low, charissa, huizhen.

yeah i'll miss you guys, but i think 1AA4 will be a good class as well, at least i hope it is. =) I'll leave it in His hands.

Strength or stupidity with lies

2007-01-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

ok, so i lied, i'm not ok. i'm far from ok.

i'm honestly very greatly affected by the DEP results and the results of the past auditions. i know i said i'm ok, and stuff, but i'm not. but i wasn't lying when i said i was ok, guess at that point in time, it hasn't really settle in and hit me.

but today, it did, it hit me like a meteorite crashing in, guess even slow lil' me has moments of realisation.

yes, even though i said i'm ok, even though i cried about it and even though i tell myself constantly that i'm over it, I'M NOT! The plain fact is that i'm not, and i cant forgive myself!

i constantly reproach myself for letting my nerves get the better of me, and letting him intimidate me. Yes, i'm still extremely afraid of him and when he says hi, i tense up! just great! fantastic! how am i to work with him?! and if you're wondering by now, that i'm talking about a crush, you're terribly mistaken, i'm talking about a teacher!

sometimes i don't know if its a gift or a curse, that God should make me like this. Our Lord, made me in such a way that when bad things happen, it doesn't seem to have an immediate effect on me, i only seem to feel the impact and pain after a while, like i don't break down and cry immediately unless its really bad, i only gradually feel the pain, disappointment and regret later on.

Is this my strength or stupidity?

in any case, i have only proven myself to be worthless and should cease to exist. Goodbye.

Andvari

2007-01-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

i just saw my old posts, and truth be told, as i read each line, the emotions are flooding in, they gush in and then i'm sent back to that time when it(the post) happened.

Memories, i'll keep them, and lock em up. They'll remain in my heart, and the key never to be found.

I'll wait for the day when you see me, but you NEVER will, you NEVER will, because we're just two strangers on a road. You don't see me, because i choose to fade into the background and watch you shine. slowly i'm disappearing, slowly i'm dissipating.

Enough of the sad stuff, today is a good day. It's a good start to the week i guess. :D

i really love my OG, Andvari. it feels like family, and they're probably one of the reasons if i stay in ACJC.

Although there are times when things aren't that good, but its always fun and laughter with them, i don't have a moment of upset when with them, they help me forget the troubles i have. I really do love them.

and of course my wonderful OGLs, they're really great people!!! they come and join us, sit with us and try their best to spend time with us, and go out with us. I really appreciate all the effort that they're put in for us, and i truly am thankful.

we've gone out like last Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat. and last last Sat. And we go out for supper like alot, haha..we eat alot... XD!!! We spend almost all our free time together in school and stuff, so i guess we're really bonded!!! we eat together, go out for supper, sit together, go play games, go watch movie, play bridge(though its not allowed) and etc etc...and tell crazy jokes and play truth or truth! thanks to PJ(OG rep) and everyone else in the OG! :)

roller coaster ride!

2007-01-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm fcking exhausted now! like physically, mentally, emotionally, and i just want to die. i cant take this kind of roller coaster ride!!!!

school is fun, but its so tiring, as in i'm worried how each day might go even though i promised to start each day with a smile, its just like one or two good days, followed by a shit day and then hopefully things get better before it sinks to rockbottom again, its all these ups and downs that drains me til nothing's left!

its only mid week now, and i'm one step short of committing suicide in school. Monday was great, we had introductory lectures and after school, my og WALKED to holland v to go coffee bean to chill and chat. Then Tues was also not bad, we had school and my og was being incredibly nice, they waited for me to finish my DEP(drama elective programme) lecture which starts at 3.10pm and ends at 4. then we went to play pool til evening and stuff. so Mon and Tues was just fun and laughter and i really had a blast.

but today is like pure shit can? i mean, i didn't go for a single lecture in school, not because i was playing truant, but i have no lectures today, but i had 3 auditons, like first one was for DEP where i was made to sing, like wth?! and then there was dance audition, where i had to learn how to do this difficult dance routine just by learning it in 2 hours!!!!! yes, surprise surprise, i went for dance auditions, i'm mad. then had drama auditions, but because it was like 7-ish and i'm still in school and i haven't learnt the drama dance yet, i'm gonna have my auditions next wekk, so technically i had two auditions today, but it was really tiring, and i have vocal auditions tomorrow, also for drama! haha...yea, we have dance, music and acting in drama, cool eh? haha... XD

so yeah, my OG rocks, we sabo-ed chris, my OG leader into being house captain! haha...but we support you lah, chris!!! go hunky spastic OGL!!!! haha...anw, the guys in my OG can play pool really well, so i got them to teach me, and i could get two balls in like consecutively in one try!!! yay me!!!! :) and i have a weird scout and a dirty old man in my OG! yayness!!!! haha...and nice pretty girls too!!! on the whole, my OG is quite bonded, coz everyday we always reserve one table specially for our OG only and everyone just goes there during break to play games and chat. and its always the same table, so its like 'The Andvari' tabel or something...haha, andvari is the name of my OG!

bev and lesley are just great, coz we're like running around together for auditions here and there so yup, we can do it! haha...we're going to the gym tomorrow, we have a super gym in school, madness.

i just hope tomorrow is a better day...because seriously, what made today shit was not the auditions, nor my OG nor skipping lectures and blah, but just the little thigns that happen throughout the course of the day...like the idiot guy who pissed me off in the canteen and i almost punched him which i didn't but instead ended up ranting to my OG.

and also, coz i missed my buddies and SC and coz i haven't talked to them in a while or seen them, i'm just afraid we might drift apart and stuff, so yeah, we won't right?!

Father, pls let tomorrow be a good day, i do need happy day tomorrow! i thank you father, Amen.

adapting and adjusting

2007-01-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm very very overwhelmed by ACJC.

i'm overwhemled by the people, the enthusiasm, the culture and just generally the people there. Its as if everyone there is so good at everything and i really feel very inferior to everyone.

esp when they were talking about the physical education package, i was seriously horrified to learn that the minumum you can get in ACJC for NAPFA is a SILVER!!! if you fail to get it, you are considered to have failed and will have to retake.

everything is so different that i lose all confidence i have and what little self-esteem i have for myself has completely vanished!!! sometimes during the course of the day, i just want to find a quiet corner and just sit there or like just take my bag and run out. i have no confidence, no self-esteem and no faith in myself,i'm very uptight and i'm very very extremely afraid to make even the slightest mistake! i'm just on my toes all the time. its really tiring in addition to all the games and stuff.

but this is not to say that i didn't enjoy myself! I have a wonderful and fun-loving OG with great OGLs and everyone is just out to have fun. Orientation week is really great and i'm having a lot of fun, and i do like it there when we're playing games and learning and cheers and mass dances, but i'm just so self-conscious.

like for example today, it was a whole new experience. today we played games like ultimate frisbee bare-footed on the field, which means mud in your toes and nails. And then we played twister but it was like extreme twister because they not only ask for your hands to be on colour circles, but its ANY PART of your body, meaning like your nose your cheek your elbow blah blah and while you're outstretched on the mat, seniors will throw starch at you! yes i mean the white icky, sticky starch and its hot too(it got heated up by the sun, not that they deliberately heated it up), so i had this huge slab of hot starch flung at me from the back and it got onto my hair, my back my arms etc etc, then for forfeit we had to roll around in mud. NOT DRY MUD, wet, gooey mud, and this is where it gets messy, the mud is literally everywhere! every inch of your body that is not covered by cloth has mud and when it mixes with the starch, it sticks and when it dries, its damn gross and it won't come off! yeah, we had to hose down the mud and peel of starch and stuff..it was gross at first, i was like "eew!" but when you indulge in it, it gets very fun and shiok! haha..then you run around hugging clean people and smearing mud on everyone's faces! haha XD

i guess for now, it just a matter of adjusting to the new environment and just learning to adapt, which is not my strength but i'll try i guess, i have to anyway. right now, i'm burnt, my face and arms are RED! saying that i'm as red as a cooked lobster is an understatement!!!!! and it hurts, i bet its gonna peel tomorrow and i can feel the heat radiating out of my body, my skin feels like its burning up now, like i'm having a fever! and its damn painful!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh!

and i'm missing my gang a lot. i don't like it that i go to school now and i don't have my group of buddies with me! i don't like that feeling! i'm really missing SC like mad and i think about my friends all the time in school, wishing you guys were here with me, to share the fun and horror at some of the standards here. plus now, its a mixed school, so yeah, gotta try to adjust to it, coz like we had 'THE TALK'... haha...that's what the teachers called it and they separated the girls and the boys for the talk..haha..so like coz its a mixed school now, have to watch how we sit and be more conscious of our actions because its unlike girls' school, where we can openly discuss girl topics and stuff and have no qualms about just being girls. :P

i really wanna see you guys soon!

goals to reach

2007-01-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

ok, roxanne is a super duper uber happy girl now! and i'm gonna tell you why!

because, i think i can actually fulfill my new year's resolution this year!!!!!

truth be told, i've made this resolution for the past four years of my life, haha that pretty much says a lot about my efficiency rate which is not very ideal..haha..but this year! its gonna change! hopefully next year's resolution will be different..haha

ok, my resolution is to lose weight and be healthy and actually do well for my napfa!

yes, because this year, i dunno if there will be people pushing me on when i'm half dead on the track! for the past 4 years, there's my gang of great buddies, my class and good mates who push me on,run with me, go trainning with me and prepare me mentally to overcome the obstacle. this year, i know they will still be supporting me (right?) but perhaps not physically, depends on the outcome of my Os and posting results.

ok, the reason why i think i can do it this time is because...
1. my mum just worked out a new diet for me, which is like low fat and low carbo..blah blah you know..its good in every way except for taste, my taste buds are gonna suffer..hhaha
2. my cousin's promised to go running with me every Sunday!!! haha..this is the part where i'm very worried, coz running is my eternal enemy..or has been so far... but we'll try to alternate lah, like one week running, next week gym and games or stuff like that.
3. i learnt the 5BX i.e 5 basic exercises. which i'm suppose to do everyday..like wth?! but i'll try..

so yup, i hope with hard work and determination and perseverance and etc i can really attain my goal!!! haha...

i think God is really helping me, coz like a few days ago, i was just thinking that maybe i should go running every week, then today my cousin asked me to go running every week together. I guess this means that this time its for real! haha....i really hope i don't give up and stuff, i'd hate myself if i do.

last but not least, i should also give credit to a special friend who has motivated me to become a better healthier person, i feel that with the support i've been given and the fact that this person inspired me, i think i can actually do it! so to repay this person, i think i should put in the effort to become healthier, i want to, because of this person.

so i guess its all the best and we'll see from here. wish me luck man! :D

black again

2006-12-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

and...

my hair is black! again!

hahaha...ok,so i woke up like a few hours ago at 2pm(yes, i woke late today cause i slept late/morning at like 4.30 am XD) and realize that i have school in 2 days and my hair had gold streaks in them..fantastic!

so i ran to ask my mom to help me dye back! so i used the super fast, 5 minute kind that commercials are always ranting on about...and it works, miraculously..hahaha

the feeling of having black hair is suprisingly good, haha...better than i imagined anyway..haha..plus it can cover up my white hair which i inherited from my dad..blah...

ok, so yup..happy new year!

edit: its 3.10 now and the date is 01-01-07..and the chunk above was from last year! hahaa...weird..

anw..just went to watch night at the museum, there was suprisingly many many people! haha..it was full and my family had to sit in the 3rd row from the front..my poor neck!!!! :( but the movie was seriously good!

my favourite part was the part where ben stiller was trying to talk to Atilla the Hun..gosh, my stomach ached from laughing..its like a bunch or ookas and mookas and machichi and bahahas...O.O

then after the movie..i overheard this conversation while filing out of the cinema like pri sch kids..

girl 1: OMG! he's so shuai!!!(handsome!)
girl 2: yeah i know!!!! -squeals-
boy 1: Ben Stiller is shuai? O.O What's wrong with you?
boy 2: -nonchalantly- Everything.

wahahaha..i couldn't help but laughed when i heard it..but i turned away first lah..or else i'll kena weird looks and perhaps a punch or something..but seriously, you'd think the girls were talking about the pharoah in the movie who looks like Brendon Fraser but isn't him..but no, they were talking about Ben Stiller! no offence to Stiller fans but he's not handsome can? he's just uber funny! and a good actor!

happy vs unhappy

2006-12-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

ok..i'm happy now..for two reasons and unhappy for 3.

ok, happy first. spoiler for survivor ahead.

1. my dad just won an mp4 at a lucky draw!!!!!!!!! its not very big, about 1GB but i'm still happy!!!!

2. i just found out that my fav survivor in "survivor cook islands" won the show!!!!!!!!! haha he's YUL(not just because of the name)!!!! yup he's one of my 2 favourites and he won..the guy is damn cool, graduated from stanford, was a valedictorian at high school and has served in the U.S. Marine Corps....
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor13/survivors/bio_yul.shtml
check it out! haha my other fav is becky, both yul and becky are koreans and she's also very cool!!! i find both their birthdays very interesting...yul's born on feb 14 and becky is on 11 sept...hahaha.

actually the whole asian tribe is my favourite!!! haha...i'm asian but yes they are the one group with all rounders who are mentally, physically strong...i mean they had a member(his name's Cao Boi) who's hiked the Appalachian Trail and world-record holder in Marathon Softball where he played for 100 hours while serving in the 82nd Airborne Division of the U.S. Army!!!!!!!! Like what the hell?!

Singapore is still in the midst of showing it, but i couldn't wait and checked it out at the website first! hahaha

unhappy because

1. my dad doesn't allow me out tomorrow, but i'm still going anyway
2. this means that church on Sunday is out of the question
3. i dunno if i can go on tues.

shit.

edit: ok, i just searched on yul and this is what i found out:
1. Valedictorian at high school. (Okay, good big no big deal. Thousands of valedictorians out there)

2. Stanford Phi Beta Kappa (Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Clearly smart. Actually immensely smart. We're looking at .01 percent of total Americans smart)

3. Helped start a national drive to increase minority bone-marrow donors. (Pretty impressive to obtain national reach as a college student. Still, he was helping a close friend, but that emphasizes loyalty)

4. Yale law school (Nothing more unusual here. No more impressive as Stanford PBK)

5. Passes two bar exams before he's 30, including the very difficult California bar. Then helps write homeland security legislation with Sen. Joe Lieberman. (Alright, so he's not just smart, but showing clear ability to become a leader and speak with rare articulation -- remember, he's a lawyer).

6. Passes the Marines officer candidacy. Boxes and is a novice Ultimate Fighter. (Okay, so he's not only a leader, but extremely strong individually. Reinforces a willingness to serve the public)

7. Joins McKinsey and Google. (Aside from some small hedge-funds, McKinsey is the single most exclusive hiring company in all the world. They look for smart folks, of course, but more importantly folks who are able to easily convince a group of CEOs of cooperation and advice. His departure for Google shows an independent streak that is willing to explore new challenges, despite the fact that working at McKinsey is already so exclusive it's sick).

this guy is freakin mad..i'd like to meet him and ask what's in his brain!!!! obviously something different from what's in mine. btw the comments in the brackets above are not made by me, i just copied and pasted from the forum.

check this web, i cut and paste his qualifications from there and it also touches on the fact that there are prejudices against asian, even for a brilliant guy like yul.
http://www.tv.com/survivor/show/4742/the-prejudice-against-asian-americans---yul-kwon-case-study/topic/3279-504969/msgs.html

eragon

2006-12-21T07:29:00.000+08:00

ok, went to watch eragon yesterday!!! hhah...hi five nic!!!

ok, i admit it is a pretty awesome mvie, i mean from first look, i didn't really wanna watch it but i'm glad i did. but i'll say that it doesn't really remind me of Lord of the Rings, its pretty different. and cool in its own way. they're both like medieval thingy but its different. i guess because LOTR was such a hit, so many movies in the almost same era or settings would be taken as comparison, which isn't realy fair if you ask me.

ok, i admit the main character is pretty good-looking lah..yes debo, i eat my own words. but i'm not like mad over him or something. i just think he's good looking, and so is murtagh, the black-haired guy.

interesting facts

1. Saphirah(sp?) the dragon is voiced by rachel weisz i think who is also the lady in Constantine.

2. Edward speleers(eragon) was almost casted a Peter in Narnia. but william mosely won in the end.

3. He also ran around in his boxers in school when he found out that he got casted as eragon. O.o

4. Garrett Hedlund(murtagh) played Patroclus in Troy!

shopping!

2006-12-19T11:26:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm currently waiting for my piano teacher to come and sit me in front of this grand black and white contraption i've come to love over the years and massacred me for not practising. haha...she's gonna comment on my utter lack of skill because i refuse to put my fingers on the wooden blocks to produce a few ding-dongs 3 hours a day...sighhh

3 hours?! i really cant afford to do that! really!

anw..i won $75!!!!! haha..no not the lottery, from this christmas dinner i went to!!! there were games and each game has a prize of $200!!!!! so i won the first and last game, but coz i had to share the first $200 with 7 other people at my table and the last $200 with 3 other people coz there were 4 winners, i only managed to get $75...but i'm still happy lah..

since its christmas money, i'll go to christmas presents i guess..haha...though i think its not enough. have to top up!!!!!

ok, christmas spree here i come! :)

post posting

2006-12-16T12:18:00.000+08:00

ok, i just found out that IB is being a bloody git!

they changed the cut off point from 12 to 7!!!! 7! 7! 7! that's like almost half of the original score. NO WONDER i didn't get in! like wth?!

thanks Deb for telling me, if not there would have been a 30% chance i would go appeal and make a fool outta myself, being so impractical and stuff. hahaha

i think i'll be happy in ACJC, and i'll see how lah. i mean IB seems like a snob now(no offence) and maybe i do lack the capabilities to make it there. Well if God planned for it this way, i'll take it. I mean He does know what's best for me and besides, this is not the first time he's saved my ass from these kinda posting rubbish(thinks PSLE and etc). hahaha

so yup, will go surf net now! ta!

i think i'm in a happy mood.
:D

long bus trips and lost thoughts

2006-12-14T18:26:00.001+08:00

oh god, today's so depressing i feel like ending my life. no joke.

i really hate sitting on a long-journeyed bus.
on a long-journeyed bus from malysia to singapore.
alone too.
with depressing music like aerosmith's "i don't wanna miss a thing" playing in my ear and i'm trying to read but my thoughts are racing everywhere.
i was on the bus and trying so hard not to cry.
i just felt so sad suddenly, like i'm floating in the middle of nowhere with nothing to grab onto.
i felt lost, again since a long time ago.
i missed my friends and wished there was someone i could call but the phone had no reception.

i thought about a lot of things. i guess its good to be able to sit down alone and think once in while but i just wished someone would sit beside me quietly.

anw, i thought about my new school, about my friends, about where to go from here and many others.

and i realize i've a lot of things to do. and not much time left. so typical of myself. haha...

Lord, if its not too much, i hope i don't see my "best friend" next year. pls don't. i already don't have my gang with me, so pls don't let me have my enemy with me. Lord i beg of you. Please!

long bus trips and lost thoughts

2006-12-14T18:26:00.000+08:00

drop me a line!

2006-12-10T13:35:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to say. besides the fact that a few things that i've seen on the way blog hopping is getting on my nerves, is irritating me. i don't know what to say. ok, truth be told, not a few things.

its just this one thing. but nvm.

then there are thought provoking ones like bong's entry on outer image and inner beauty.

i'm still bothered by what happened last night. i know something's wrong and you refuse to tell. can you pls tell me what's wrong? i feel terrible that i couldn't help you ok? seriously, i was thinking about it the whole night. first, i'm very very sorry i missed your call, then when i called back 10 minutes later, there was some connection error with our servers. when i finally got through, bad reception cut me off within 10 minutes. just great. can you pls call me before tomorrow? pls pls pls pls pls?! i beg you! call me! i don't dare to call because i'm afraid you might be busy.

DEATH NOTE!

2006-12-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i just finish watching DEATH NOTE!

its so good! so so so damn freaking exciting!!!! should have finish watching ytd but mom was nagging, so had to wait til today to finish! ahhhhhhhh...its so good! so so so good!!!!!

i'm runing out of words to describe it, sigh, my lousy english but yes, it has a good plot, damn cool characters, lots and lots of twists and turns and 2 very ghastly but lovable shinigami(death god)!!!!1 what more could you ask for?

Yagami Light is damn cool can? haha..and L too!!!!!!!!!!!
and i watched the preview for DEATH NOTE 2 The Last Name! omg!!! its the best!

the new shinigami is quite good looking too, compared to the black one, the white one is better looking! haha..but i like both!

I'M SO GONNA WATCH DEATH NOTE 2!!!!!
this time,in the theatres!!!! hahaa....who wants to watch?

i bet nic does, maybe the whole gang can watch together, that'd be so fun!!!! hahah...

My Lord's Love

2006-12-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

ok, the music playing now is "Angels" by robbie williams(how apt) and i just read min's email.

"let this help you to love Jesus more and more."

i felt very heartbroken after i read it. Its this deep reproach and shame i feel. Because when i read how He wrote His name over the the sins of the writer in the story i felt pain, because with every pain and sadness we feel, with every sin we commit, He feels " a deeper sorrow than my own" and for every bad deed i had done, He would "sign His name over, written with His blood". i feel remorse because Jesus would cry for me, would cry because of me.

it makes me wonder, is there a greater love than that that my Lord gives me?

perhaps equal from family and friends, but none greater.

so im gonna enlarge my gospel file now and forward the message. :)

WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS!

2006-11-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

ok, i' in a very bad/weird/unstable mood right now.

one. because i woke up thismorning to my new neighbour's contractor pounding and drilling! AND IT WON'T STOP! m goodness, i'm on the brink of insanity!. new neighbours = construction = noise pollution! and all thatseparates me from he construction site is a WALL! A WALL! not to mention that its a brick wall, a not-very-thick brick wall! omg! i'm going bonkers!!!!!!!! honestly, i'm thinking, what are the chances of me screaming and they stopping upon hearing my desparate cry for help? i wonder....

ok, SECOND and MOST important reason! i just finish watching episode 63 of bleach and its so sad!!! They finally finish saving rukia, and settle the unrest in soul society and they're going back! Rukia's no going tho!!! wahhhhh...it damn sad! i hate it when shows or anything end, i hate endings even though its the beginning of something new, but i just hate it. There's this nagging feeling, this craving for more!!! have you ever felt that? its eating into me and i dun like it! i want more!!!!!!!!! i dun like feeling that everything's over, its the end, all's gone! ok, i don't know how to describe it but its this empty feeling, like it finally hits me that its all over and this new chapter has begin! -wails-

to top it all off, the third reason would be that YOUTUBE IS HAING SOME MAINTENANCE RUBBISH! ahh...means i cant watch more bleach to cure my withdrawal symptoms!!!!!! i'm now like dangling in mid air, one chapter has ended and youtub does not allow me to watch more chapters to cure the longing for te ended one! ahhhhhhhhhhh...i'm really going mad, insane..crazy!!!!

sigh...and there's nothing good on tv now! ok..nvm..i'll use this spare time i have on my hand to change my blog layout and stuff, or else i'll never get to it! and then i'll go call someone to rant on and on to release all the steam and crap....k...time to execute plan rescue self!

P.S sigh..i'm just lounging everywhere and wasting my time! is anyone doing the same thing as me? like just wasting time away with nothing to do?

edit: 3.30pm: ok..i just finsh searching for a layout...ok..yes..bleach, since i'm craving for it, might as well just use it..there's so many, i cant choose but nvm lah, since this once has most of my fav characters, i'll just use it. plus! i tired looking for other kinds of skins like abstract, anime, vampires and etc but cant seem to find any. so for the time being! this is it!

little test.

2006-11-20T15:52:00.000+08:00

1. Pick your birth month.

2. Strike anything that doesn't apply to you.

3. Bold the four that best apply to you.

4. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a journal cut.
(i dunno how to do a journal cut, so pls go to nic c 's blog or ask me for your month. thanks and pardon my stupidity when it comes to computers.)

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. (stubborn yes, hard-hearted? i dunno, depends)
Strong-willed and highly motivated. (i think so?!)
Sharp thoughts.
Easily angered. (oh yeah! but not angered, more agitated.)
~~Attracts others and loves attention.~~ (i dun think i attract attention, not in a good way at least.)
Deep feelings. (yeah, kind of.)
~~Beautiful physically and mentally.~~ (my foot!)
Firm Standpoint.
~~Needs no motivation.~~ (hell, i need all the motivation i can get!)
Easily consoled.
Systematic (left brain). (duh! that's why i use ONE FULL NOTEBOOK in one term=3 months)
Loves to dream.
Strong clairvoyance. ( i cant see supernatural, but i'm sensitive)
Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
Good imagination.
~~Good physical.~~ (my ass! check out my napfa)
Weak breathing.
Loves literature and the arts.
Loves travelling. (yup yup!)
Dislike being at home.
Restless.
Not having many children. (i'll leave it to the future, so NA FOR THE TIME BEING)
Hard-working. (when i want to be)
High spirited.
~~Spendthrift.~~ (i try not to be, i can be stingy)

my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

I'M VERY VERY PISSED OFF NOW!

some bloody son of a bitch just don't have manners!
my parents went to fetch me from tuition, but we ran outof gas, so we parked near the road side to check the directory to find a petrol kiosk.

lol and behold, the bunch of idiots who were playing soccer in the enclosed space just cannot aim, kick the fucking ball so hard it flew out and hit my car!

MY NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!
MY BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!
MY BRAND NEW LESS THAN A MONTH CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

and 2 of them just ran out to retrieve that ball and don't even bother to apologize lah, until my dad called him back and demanded for an apology!

stupid idiot boy!

ARGH!

I HATE scrawny lanky BOYS who cant aim!!!!!!!!!!!
feel like just strangling him on the spot, thank goodness there was no damage done, or else i'll make sure he pays like hell!!!!!

damn you technology

2006-10-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

ok...roxanne is currently VERY VERY VERY DISTRESSED RIGHT NOW!

her mp3 refuses to work, all her stupid system files are MISSING/HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS/VANISHED IN THE WIND!

she has to leave the house in a few minutes coz she has to go to the library, but she has no music because she has no music.

she is going to die of boredom at the cold library

she has officially stuck her usb cord in and out of the computer for more than 10 times!

and she's about to explode!

so

I CURSE YOU TECHNOLOGY! I CURSE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
DAMNNNNNNNNNN ITTTTTTT!

my wishlist

2006-10-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

my wishlist:

after the O's, i will

1) go clubbing
2) start smoking
3) get into a gang
4) get into a fight
5) get caught
6) find new meaning in life

HAHAHAHAHAHA
yeah right....i must be mad! hahahahahha......

what i think.

2006-10-17T18:40:00.000+08:00

bio prac, it was ok. hope it is anyway.

sigh, i feel so much and i wanna say so much, really i do.

but i cant, i just cant.

i wish i could.

nvm, shall go bury myself in something, dig a hole and shoot myself.

such an eventful day.

i swear, after bio prac and i walked into the classroom, i was fuming! i was so angry. i just wanted to scream, "why did you do it?"
pardon me but i just don't see your point, perhaps its because i don't understand the whole picture, as no one bothered to tell me.

no one bothered to ask what i have to say, you read and decided to do what you think is right. no, i'm not blaming anyone, but i just thought you could have talked it out first and at least inform everybody.

or perhaps, you feel its so top-secret, only the privilege were allowed to know and so only the privilege were included. you were capable of solving it amongst you, so you did, since you are the smart one.

next year, its just gonna be the same, hwa chong.
Victoria, why don't you go to hc as well? then its perfect picture.

if you have anything to say, tell me in school. come up to me and tell me i'm being ridiculous, tell me i'm horrible, tell me i'm not needed.

after all, its not the first time. i know you guys went out without me during the hols. vic, if you think you're left out, let me tell you, nic did not do it on purpose, i swear. but me? i was left out INTENTIONALLY, ON PURPOSE! and no one even told me, until i found out! so who has it worst?

how now brown cow?

2006-10-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

open houses are just not good for indecisive people.

let's analyze the situation:

1. HC is not my cup of tea
2. RJC was very convincing
3. IB is a touchy topic because my dad violently objects.

now be realistic:

1. I cant get into RJC
2. I really don't know what to say to my dad about IB because he thinks its risky and that i should be doing normal A levels instead of an international diploma, it doesn't help that my cousin dropped out of school recently.

conclusion:

I'M LOST!

2006-10-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

sigh, today i felt a sense of self-pity out of the blue. it was like a feeling that i suddenly felt and it made me very sad.

its like i suddenly feel so small and pathetic. and everyone else was so big in comparison, i'm so small that i seem to slip in the background, like i didn't really exist and no one saw me.

ahhhhh...what's wrong with me?!

leather seats!

2006-10-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

okay...i got a sweet today!!! haha...children's day prezzie...haha long story.

anw, i'm very high now coz of the new car. i'm sorry if this comes across as boasting but i'm not, its just that its very cool, and i like the smell of new leather seats. :) :) haha..ok, pls stop staring at me, ok, so i'm weird, i like the smell of new leather, shoot me. haha...

yeah, my dad was exceptionally calm about my results, dunno why but it makes me feel so guilty, it makes me even sadder, strange. It wasn't that he didn't care or wasn't bother, he was, just that he took it normally and told me to work harder. And i'm just not used to i, because i expected him to really give me a scolding, and ease my guilt.
sigh, gotta buck up for Os man!

oh and he agreed to let me take up another maths tuition! yay! so now have two maths tuition!!!! hope it helps! :) :) :)

so maybe today isn't so bad afterall.

today's lit lecture was very weird and frustrating! argh! i'd give anything to just...strangle somebody. I"ve never been so pissed at that woman before tho i never really liked her, she is just difficult. and yes, lecture was very weird today, won't you agree? with an extra pair of eyes behind me, i felt uneasy...hahahaha.....yes, i know YOU would agree.

you've got to be MOCKing me

2006-09-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

hahaha...i love my title...haha hahaha ha haha...ok..yes, i'm being lame.

firstly, thanks to everyone who have tried to cheer me up. i'm sorry if i'm unresponsive, it takes time. but thanks loads! i really really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. =)

today is a bad day.

1) got scolded by a maths teacher.
2) got a hardly decent grade for bio
3) ditto about geog.

only have 1 full paper and 2 halves. i hope my physics is ok, i really really hope! would it be too much to ask for an A2? a B3? i dunno lah...just need to do well.

hope lit is ok, then at least can get B3 or A2...

maths is out the window, so let's not go there. i think i'll go look for mrs tan to help me, although i feel bad. =(

i shall not complain about my crappy marks, but instead pray that i'll get ok marks in the end, and that me, vic and everyone else can go to their desired college for 1st 3 mths.

also pray that Os will be better, and start mugging.

and congrats to all those smarty pants who got As, very proud of you guys! :D

edit: (sat 4.42pm)
ok, roxanne shall make an important announcment!

she has found out that listening to songs sung in spanish/french, basically any other languages besides english helps her to destress.

maybe its so enchanting that its brings her to another world.
or maybe its the plain fact that she doesn't understand a word and spends most of the time trying to follow the lyrics according to the english translation!

yeah. maybe.

mocks!

2006-09-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

sigh, if you don't already know, i cried today.

why? because of all the crappy results i'm getting and the realisation that i'm going nowhere next year.

seriously, i really don't see myself succeeding in going to a college or educational institute!

my raw score will prob total up to 18 if i'm lucky and beyond. how nice!
i really don't like it, when people who get decent grades start complaining, i'm not saying anybody because thank God the people around me don't do it. but yeah, just generally when people do that. i just feel like killing myself on the spot.

and what makes me guilty is when people who were doing about the same as i was throughout the year are getting freaking As and i'm getting nothing more than Bs.
i'm happy for them but it makes me feel very very VERY VERY stupid. not that its anything new.

you know today, everyone else who got about the same as me for chem got As coz their mcq pulled them up while mine didn't. THAT WAS THE WORST WORST WOSRT thing of the day, it really made me feel very very bad, sank me down to the bottomest pit! its like, suddenly everyone was saved and pulled out of the water, but i was left struggling and gasping for my life in the ocean. it sucks!

ok, i will wait for the rest of my results to crawl back to me, then feel crap all over again.
sigh. vicious cycle.

honestly nic, kim, bong, wai ee and people who wanna go hwa chong, i'm quite sure that you can do it, so pls DO NOT hyperventilate before every returning of papers (esp nic) because we all know that its gonna be ok, if not, better than good. so stop fretting, those 6A1s are coming your way like the sun's gonna rise tomorrow! DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY! i know you can get in!

vic, if you cant get into IB, i will eat a snail! i'm quite sure you will, in fact i think I'M THE ONE that cant get in, whether IB or some decent institute.

aiyah! everyone else will do well lah. except me.

北极星的眼泪

2006-09-22T18:02:00.000+08:00

北极星的眼泪
(english translation at the side)
(to view the chinese characters, pls go to "view" at the top of your window, click on "encoding" then make sure that your language selected is "unicode" then you can view the words! thanks! :D)

像断了线 like a broken string
消失人海里面 vanished in the crowd
我的眼终于失去你的脸 i finally lost sight of your face
再等一会 just wait a while more
奢望流星会出现 hoping for a shooting star
愿如果真的实现 if wishes do come true
爱能不能永远 can love be forever?
明天或许来不及变 maybe tomorrow won't change
但曾经走过的昨天 but the yesterdays
越来越远 have drifted so far

北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
说不出的想念 unspeakable thoughts
原来我们活在两个世界 we've actually been living in two worlds
北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
你哭红的双眼 your eyes sore from crying
被淋湿的诺言 promises drenched
淹没在心里面 drowned within my heart
我抬头看着爱不见 i watched as love disappeared

再等一会 just wait a while more
奢望流星会出现 wishing for a shooting star
愿如果真的实现 if wishes do come true
爱能不能永远 can love be forever?
明天或许来不及变 maybe tomorrow won't change
但曾经走过的昨天 but the yesterdays we had
越来越远 are drifting further away

北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
说不出的想念 unspeakable thoughts
原来我们活在两个世界 we've actually been living in two worlds
北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
你哭红的双眼 your eyes sore from crying
被淋湿的诺言 promises drenched
淹没在心里面 drowned within my heart
我抬头看着爱不见 i watched as love disappeared

当对的人 when the right person
等不到对的时间 cant wait for the right time
就在放开手的瞬间 at the moment we parted
爱撕成两边 love was torn into two
北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
说不出的想念 unspeakable thoughts
原来我们活在两个世界 we've actually been living in two worlds
北极星的眼泪 tears of the north star
你哭红的双眼 your eyes sore from crying
被淋湿的诺言 drenched promises
淹没在心里面 drowned within my heart
我抬头看着爱不见 i watched as love disappeared
整个宇宙都 the whole galaxy is
流眼泪 crying

i like this song :D
pardon my lousy translations skills...i tried my best!

foood

2006-09-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

3 practicals is enough to fry my brain!

sigh....what an eventful day today.

i'm too lazy to blog.
wanna eat ice cream, went in impulse and bought 2 litres hahahha

"what diet?" quote nic c...hahaha

yup yup , no diet for me, only food therapy.
hahahahaa

but it also means no diet = no prom dress.
sweet eh?

note my words which are dripping with sarcasm.

:( / :)

2006-09-20T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'm exhausted.

really tired and worn out.

prelims are a killer.

and so is the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

but on a happier note!

ITS OVER! :D

incoherent

2006-09-08T11:28:00.000+08:00

at this point in time, my mind is a blank.

i don't like where this is heading.

need to focus.

i'm over.

your pretence

2006-09-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

honestly, she's creating hell in my life, making it hell.

i wish i could say these to her:

i wish i could just forget you, like never met you at all!!!!!!!!

damn, i wish you to hell, its evil of me, but i do wish you go and burn there!

so you found boston, you're not fit to listen to it! you think the lyrics apply to you? YOU MUST BE JOKING!!! you have just officially ruined one of my favourite songs!
damn you bitch!

ARGHHHHHH!

talk to God? you don't even know the true meaning!!! i may not know it all, but at least i know more than you!!

to you, God is someone you hope to save you, you only talk to him when you're in pain. You're just you, selfish lil' you.

15 hours!

2006-09-01T09:03:00.000+08:00

ok, i officially confess that i feel like a pig!

omg!

OMG!

OH. MY. GOSH!

ahhhh....I SLEPT FOR 15 HOURS!

15!

15!

15!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh my, i feel so wasted! so so so waasted!
ytd, after lunch at heeren, i came home, went to bathe and then had ice cream, then went to take a nap! or rather, had the intention to take a nap! but

BUT!

BUT!!

I SLEPT ALL THE WAY FROM 5PM TIL THIS MORNING 8AM!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHH!!! THAT IS 15 FREAKING HOURS!!!!!!!!!

OH MAN..WHY DIDN'T MY MUM WAKE ME UP?!!! WHY?!

crap, i shall go and flush my head in the toilet bowl or something...i feel like crap for sleeping so long, like i just threw away 15 hours of my life to the wind!

rarrrrrrrrrrr!

crazy people

2006-08-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

ok, today's incident at kfc is most unpleasant.

in a nutshell, a demented old man felt that me and my friends were making too much noice when we were just talking and laughing amongst ourselves! and so he took a video of us! threatening to complain to the school.

this made cailing worried, and thus, she apologized, and asked him if he took a video of us, he denied all the above. he said we didn't offend him, he said he didn't video us..blah blah...so yup...

but thing is, vic took a video of bong and me and he was behind me. guess what? he was in the video and we found him videoing other students who sitting at the table next to us!

so think about it, is he demented or what? why would an old man, a member of the public take random videos of school girls? huh? and he's wife is just plain scary, when i backed away from yvonne when she tried to attack me, i didn't even hit the wife, there was a distance of AT LEAST 15 CM OR MORE between me and her and i had apologized profusely!!! but the look on her face was PURE SHOCK AND TERROR! PURE FEAR! like i was coming after her with a freaking knife! and her eyes were lifeless, they seemed to be devoid of life, like the woman in my english essay...

ok, so maybe its not really in a nutshell..but yeah...you gel' it right?

I love you

2006-08-19T14:24:00.000+08:00

how many ways are there to say "I love you"?

1. I love you.
2. Wo ai ni.
3. Kimi o ai shiteru
4. Sarang haeyo
5. Ich liebe dich
6. Je t'aime
7. Saya cinta pada mu
8. Aloha wau ia oi
9. Te amo
10. Ti amo (relationship - lover or spouse) / Ti voglio bene (between friends)

anyone knows anymore?

new layout

2006-08-18T19:45:00.000+08:00

just changed the layout.

i like it...hahaha...duh!

i love the little girl, haha...btw, i came up with all the title and phrases in the blog, except for the picture of course.

anw...it wasn't this at first...but the other one was just screwed up.

gosh, my ankle hurts like crap now. played soccer today.
sigh, think i need an ankle guard.

chi Os

2006-08-12T13:06:00.000+08:00

ok, what is forgiveness?

(i heard this somewhere, on the oprah show or something..cant remember.)

forgiveness is when you can stop thinking of what-ifs and just move on. It is when you can stop blaming yourself and love yourself at the end of the day.

To me, that is forgiveness. To stop thinking about whether if you've done this, or did that, things would have turned out better.

so

to deb: there's nothing to feel bad about. You did your best, and that's the way it is. Be proud of yourself and know that you've done nothin wrong.

to kim: Great job girl! I'm Very proud of you.

to nic c: Its ok, i'm sure you'll do better for the rest. I"m still very proud of you. and don't blame yourself k? forgive yourself. Thre's no need to ask others to forive you because there's none to hold against you.

to vic: i think you did fine. there's always something better out there, so instead of saying i want this and i want that, be content to know you gave your best and that's all that matters.

i love you guys. :)

i need to focus.

2006-08-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

hmm...why is it that i seem so indifferent and nonchalent about everything now.

its like i'm numb, like i cant feel a thing, and i don't care.

honestly! my prelims are coming in a matter of days, but i don't seem to give a damn! why?
gosh, i really care, i really really do!
but i just cant seem to get my butt to move! cant get my brain to work!
its like the brain and the heart are working on two separate bodies!!!!!

oh shit! i'm screwed!

ok, i need to get focused! focus! FOCUS!
-tries to focus-
nope! its not working! whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

and i used to feel so much, i used to worry about everything.
guess i'm too tired, used up all my energy, that now i've none left.
and i used to be able to feel you.
now i cant,
and i'm still as lost as ever!!!!!!

plain rudeness

2006-08-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

ok, firstly, i'd like to commenton how HORRIFIED i am at this point in time to find myself on youtube! WTF? OMG?! rarrrr! it was a clip from my dramafest winning play. BUT SERIOUSLY! DUDE! tell me before you post my clip up can? is that too much to ask? RARRRRR!

ok anw..
today started out quite bad...seriously, quite bad!

ok, i have 3 bad things happen to me plus i met three RUDE INCONSIDERATE SINGAPOREANS! rarr...seriously, i think that all those courtesy campaigns have just fallen through, THEY HAVE FAILED MISERABLY!

ok, so right...
out of the three bad things, i can only blog about 2, because of certain reasons.

1) i was walking into heeren and they were taping the floor with carpet and there were wooden planks beneath the carpet, so i walked CAUTIOUSLY across the carpet, trying not to damage anything. BUT LOL AND BEHOLD. one wooden plank broke under my weight. (if at this point in time, you find yourself laughing uncontrollably, then slap yourself because its not funny.) i mean, wow! i know i'm fat but this? THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

2) i was buying tickets for everyone from cine ok. so this was what happened.
i was queing up and right in front of me was this group of girls from a certain girls' school which has white blouse and dark blue skirt(go figure, its not that hard.) and yeah...so they were right in front of me and they were buying tickets for the movie "click" then one girl decided to cross over to the other side, so from my left, she walked right in between me and her friend over to my right, and she just SQEEUZED her way through without even saying 'excuse me". ok, so i tolerated, and just rolled my eyes and blow it off. NEXT CAME THE RUDEST THING EVER! after they had finish buying their rickets, another girl who was standing directly in front of me backed away and without looking, so she bumped into me, i repeat SHE BUMPED INTO ME! and she turned and STARED at me and said "stand so close for what?!" i was like, WHAT THE FUCK? YOU BITCH! YOU are the blind,brainless slut who bumped into me and you dare to commend? YOU WHORE! god, i was fuming. but of course all the above were just thoughts of mine because i was alone and there were 4 of them, so i was obviously outnumbered! plus our school got into a fight with them last week(fri) already, so i decided not to stir up any more trouble.
BUT HONESTLY! DON'T THEIR SCHOOL TEACHERS TEACH THEM BASIC MANNERS?! I MEAN, DOESN'T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU ANYTHING AT ALL? not even an apology, forget about the apology, you could have just SHUT THE FUCK UP! if you think you're so damn great, then get your father to fucking buy you a theatre, then you wun have to queue up like the rest of us!!!!!! rarr! i'm so so so so so so so angry. NO! ANGRY IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT! I'M JUST IRRITATED, PISSED, SHOCKED, AND JUST PLAIN FUMING!

right. so there was three things to piss me off today!

and then there ARE 3 RUDE SINGAPOREANS!

so first is that slut.

2) we(me, nic, bong, vic) were taking a lift at cine and the lift was so crowded i hardly had space to move! so then, we were spose to alight on the 5th level. but at the 4th level, there was this beyotch that was standing right behind us, and so she wanted to get out. but instead of asking nicely or saying "excuse me" she was like, "EXCUSE ME!" like the whole world was hers and we were spose to go down on our knees and kowtow to her. so we moved aside and she didn't even say "thank you". so bong said "You're welcome!" really loudly, and i started to laugh out loud! haha..you go girl! but i think that woman was either pms-ing or she just dumped by her boyfriend because she seriously looks damn pathetic!

3) the whole group of us were standing at the escalator at heeren, as in, we weren't blocking the way, we were stading near the escalator. then there was this FUCKED UP BASTARD who was trying to get to the escalator, but being blind as well, he just bumped into us, no not bumped, more like rammed himself against us. and then he stared at us and did the hand gesture that meant "what do you want?" like a taunting kind of gesture. i was at that point in time, fuming mad already and he had to add oil to the fires, so i just turned around, GLARED AT HIM and gave him the finger. but i think he didn't see me, coz he turned and went down the escalator liao.

GOD! THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN ANNOYING AND BLIND AND JUST FUCKED UP IDIOTS! go and soak your heads in kerosine and burn them! because obviously, you people don't use their brains! or have none to begin with!

does he have a brain?

2006-08-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

ok, i need to blog. but i've nothing to say. how wonderful.

oh right. PEOPLE! TAG!TAG!TAG! pls pls pls pls pls!!!!!

HAHAHA..OK...

anw, i've just been blog hopping and i really don't understand how some people can just blatantly put up their "thoughts" or rather, in my opinion, fake feelings and sentiments up on their blog for one and all to see?!

i mean, seriously, no one will believe the person, so he'd rather justify himself or rather try to make himself sound pitiful then try to just shut up and keep whatever friends he has, or rather the one and only friend he has?

this person, or rather idiot, rather go on and on and on about his dirty laundry and get more slamming then shut up?

seriously, does he have a brain?

i'm thinking, no.

i hurt too, don't you know?

2006-08-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

yes. so she hurts. yes. so i shouldn't not do what i think i want to do yet instead put her feelings before mine and do things even though i don't want to, just so she wont feel hurt.

then what about me?
Don't i feel hurt too?
Dont i scar too?
maybe not.
maybe what i feel doesn't really matter.
Because she means more to you than me.

yeah, so that means, she can do what she want, and hurt me, while you just stand back and watch.
yeah.

I got the chance yesterday, but i didn't take it.
I got the chance to leave everyhting behind, but i chose to stay.
I chose to stay and suffer, i chose to stay because my instinct told me to.
if i only i hadn't move,then it would all be over in a while.
The car was going so fast, i'm sure it wouldn't have missed me if i didn't move.
why did i move?
WHY?!

Things are seriously falling apart.
they really are.

Just when you thought you were enjoying yourselves, when you thought you were having fun,
spare a thought for others beside you.
Maybe when you're having fun, spare a thought for otheres that you've left out and feels left out.
Maybe when you're having fun, you're trampling on someone else's sufferings.

So i drop the phone with you, and run to her, crying.
I call her and breakdown over the phone.
So you'll never see the tears i shed.
Because you never cared.

There's just so much i wanna say to all of you, but i cant.
Because i don't know how to, and you won't listen.

friends

2006-07-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

Who's gonna be with me 60 years down the road?
who's gonna be the one i'll call and tell that my back is breaking and i've rheumatism, in half a century's time?
who's gonna be beside me when i sit motionless in a rocking chair and rock my days away?

maybe YOU are not the one that's gonna be alone in the end,i think its ME who'll walk down that path alone and eventually be alone.

i have a great bunch of friends, really, they're just wonderful. They're friendly, cheerful, crazy, nonsensical,hyper, fun, cool, talented, its those crazy things they do, that makes me love them so.

but.
50 years is a long time.

wonder what will happen after this year?
will they still remember me?

i sure hope they do.
because i know i will remember them.
for life.

this is one of the best poems i've read:

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

and this is my favourite part:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e learning sux

2006-07-27T14:21:00.000+08:00

ok, e learning day..i should seriously be doing work now but my urge to blog got the better of me. so shoot me.

i hate e learning day! so much work! rarr...if there's school, i would have only 4 lessons-bio, chem, maths and chinese.

but now?! i have a whole mountain load of homework that is piling up like the rubbish in our dump, which threatens to papercut me if i dare go near it!

conclusion: teachers are using technology to bite us! evil! they're probably like "since you like using the computer so much, shall electricute(sp?) you with your computer and homework! die! die! die!"

yup.

i love nic c's latest entry. HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED
or rather a bunch of girls offended! XP
but on a serious note,

touch anyone of them and i'll come after you with a freaking bazooka(sp?)!
i'll blow you to another galaxy, i swear!

dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

rarr..lousy day

2006-07-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

sigh, chem prac and physics test today only served 3 purposes:

1. make me feel stupid and useless and guilty that i could have done better!
2. tell me that i better start studying or i'll fail my bloody Os!
3. make me feel so lousy that i'm giving up going out tomorrow.

The wonders of a few sheets of paper, and the notion of exams.

sigh..get well soon vic! miss ya!

oh, i have an unsatiable thirst and desire to punch someone right now! LIKE RIGHT NOW! its ok, i'll wait, the day will come! i swear i will the punch the living daylights outta that son of a bitch! rarr...i just wanna take a metal rod and whack him til he turns to pulp!!!!!!!!!!!

how dare him?! molestation is a crime you asshole!

"touching gives a sense of security, humans like it."
MY FOOT! even if it does give a sense of security, no one would like to be touched by you!

no, i did not get molested, but my friend sorta did, so yup. Its not that serious lar, or else i'd sue that guy til he pays thru his nose!

this week

2006-07-22T12:56:00.000+08:00

ok. a few words to sum up the week.

mendaki! love it! thanks reks, pau, faith, paul, kids, shw and etc!

"i wanna drink water!"

oral

sad

racial harmony day

indian dance (not me but heck!)

chinese emphasis week :S (think i permanently disgraced myself!)

pon

experiments and practical

bio

chem

physics

geog

chinese

sad

2

nervous breakdowns

that sms...

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!

JOHNNY DEPP!

ORLANDO BLOOM! (quote rach: orlando looks his best in prates!) agreed!

you.

ps, i owe someone a long note. :P

here's how a certain conversation went...

Sexy A: rarr!
broc: tsk! -points at Sexy A- a-ber-den...
me: -walks away- -monotonously- i'm sleeppyyy....
Sexy A and broc: HAHAHHAHAHA

i'll put a rose on your grave

life

2006-07-16T16:34:00.000+08:00

Life is like a book, every page is a day, and each page is filled with the heartaches, loss and laughter.

But the only difference is that, you can always flip to the happy pages in the front and relive the happy days or just dwell there. You can always tear out the nasty pages in a book that makes you cry.

But in life, you can never turn back time or make it stop when you're laughing or having a good time, nor can you erase the awful memories that are etched in your stone heart.

So how many pages do I have left to fill before I reach the last?

My pen is running out of ink.

Circle Of Life

by Elton John

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do that can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find that can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small in the endless round
Its the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life
Its the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life

WE WON DRAMAFEST!

2006-07-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

OMG! WE WON! OMG! I CANNOT CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

4SE WON BEST PLAY OF THE YEAR FOR DRAMAFEST 2006~!!!!!!!!

ahhhh......... i absolutely cannot believe it!

c'mon, we were the worst class during the rehearsals which was only like 2 days ago, we've come a long longg longgg wayy mann! omg!

i remember our rehearsals were always shitty, we'd quarrel, scream at each other, get frustrated, have arguments, end up with anything but perfect props, actors weren't really in to role,crew didn't always keep to time, there was no tension! EVERYTHING WAS IN A TOTAL MESS! A HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE TOTAL MESS! and i was petrified!

and ytd, before the performance, i was so so so terrified i started crying! god, it was the worst feeling but someone whom i love love love so so so much told me to have faith in my class! i THANK HER FOR THAT! I LOVE YOU! and so i picked myself up and just gave it my best shot!

our class also pulled together! and we had the best BEST BESTEST ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS RUN EVER! everything was PERFECT DOWN TO THE LAST DETAIL! the lights and sound came on just at the right time, the punch was perfect, the gunshot was perfect, the love scene was tragic, the brothers were hilarious, i hope i was good and everything was just GLAM! i was trying so hard to contain my excitement! so so so hard!

special thanks to:

fuzzy: my fellow director who i could turn to for help.
nicole: for writing such a great script!
rekha: sexy baby! for being the greatest tony alive! and helping me when i don't think i can make it as a director
koon: trying so hard to be a man! you were just great!
ama: bringing out lola so well
showgirls: for being the best girls a manager could ever have wanted! and doin a great job with the dance!
brothers: for addin so much fun and laughter!
cam: for helping with so much and being the best and hottest rico suave on earth!
customers: for being great fun!
musicians: for adding music and creating so much atmosphere!
zara: for being a great diva!
old lola, entertainer, bouncer: for being fabulous minor roles which helped to make things so much more fun!
crew: for making transitions so smooth and everything just right
technicians: for the wonderful music, lights and sound, and having great timing! i tell you, they are the best, they coped with the many technical thingys even tho it was tampered with like only a million gazillion times!
teachers: for their relentless support

ok, i think i thanked everyone! so there! THANK YOU TO 4SE, TEACHERS! AND EVERYONE!!!!

I TELL YOU! for every tear i cried, every night i couldn't sleep, ever minute i spent doing something for dramafest, every minute spent thinking and stresing over it, every worry, all th tears, sweat, heartache, worry, stress, tensions etc etc blah blah! IT WAS WORTH IT! EVERYTHING WAS WORTH IT!

I LOVE MY 4SE! [and my sexy anchovy! :) ]

WE WON!!!!!
- best costumes!
- best directors!
- best lead actor (reks)
- BEST PLAY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE WON!

ALSO!~
not forgetting the other classes! congrats to all of them! you guys did great too! i'm also very very veryy proud of the other 3 classes and my friends! you guys rock too!!!!!

ps, i must remember to buy chocolates for my class and friends! haha!

2006-07-01T14:14:00.000+08:00

I'll be really courteous about this, these are my thoughts, and dont take it in a bad way. Because it's meant to clear up things.

to prata:
1. you dont know what's going on in my blog, so pls kindly do not comment on it.
2. i dont tell you how to run your life so please kindly do not tell me how to run mine.
3. IF you're saying everything truly out of good intentions, then i thank you for your kind intentions.
4. i need to clarify something. I DONT KNOW YOU. YOU DONT KNOW ME. hence, I DO NOT HATE YOU. to put it plainly, i just dont have a good impression of you.
5. if you think that i ever left a comment on your blog, i never did.
6. if you would like to tell me something, please tell it to ME and not ruin my tagboard. Technology is advanced enough for you to tell me via msn.
7. Perhaps you are a good person in reality, but i'll never know.
8. I respect you enough to not pass on rumours about you, so i hope you'll have enough respect to do the same thing.
9. I can proudly say with a clear conscience that i NEVER ONCE tell anybody any sordid details about you.
10. I'm only telling my friends from my point of view, my impression of you.

thank you for co-operating.

edit @ 8.14pm

sigh, some people dont know when to appreciate kindness even when its shoved in their faces!

4 types

2006-06-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

i thought you'd trust me by now. guess i was wrong, because you closed the door right in my face.

~~~~~

I HATE PEOPLE WHO LIE TO ME! DAMNIT! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE TO ME?! TELL ME!
I HATE LIARS!
AND ALL OF YOU ARE LIARS!

~~~~~

this world is evil. no one cares. no one cares even if you show it on your face. THEY DONT CARE DO THEY?!

~~~~

i think i'm dying pretty soon. like seriously. here's why:
1. my back is really killing me, it hurts like hell.
2. my whole body is aching.
3. my hair is greying prematurely.
4. moving around seems like ahssle to me.

~~~~

honestly, what's the use of putting in so so so much effort only to have it go unnoticed? you give your heart and soul and everything. Time. Money. Sweat. Tears. Joy. Anxiety. Heartache. Stress. and what does it all come to?

NOTHING.

prata

2006-06-27T18:51:00.000+08:00

ARGH! I HATE THIS! I HATE THAT PERSON! gosh, rarr....get out of our lives person! if you dare to hurt them, i swear i will skin you alive and make you pay til you bleed!

i swear i'll hunt you down! rarrr....

:(

dna report

2006-06-25T16:52:00.000+08:00

haha....here's my DNA report! how interesting....got it from nic's blog..thanks nicki

My Personal Dna Report

rekha!

2006-06-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

pls dont say things like i worry because of personal reasons.

it hurts, because it makes me think you think i'm selfish.

i worry about you! just you!
for NO reason.

if there is, its because you're my friend, a very special friend!

so pls take care of yourself, because you're only hurting yourself.
and people who care.

vic and rach

2006-06-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

you never know when to do the right things at the right time or say the right words in the right place.

maybe you DONT know me at all...in the end.

so, we're back to square one.
back to the day we met.
because nothing seems to have change since that day, we're still strangers in the end

fck you fe!

2006-06-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

fuck you bitch! fuck you!

damnit, you always have the abilities to bring out the worst in me.

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

trust me! you DO NOT wanna see the worst side of me!

i will have my revenge!
If i dont get to keep my things, neither will you!!!!!!!

Those pathetic tears of yours wont work on me!
YOU were the one that did me wrong, remember?!

powers

2006-06-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

DAMNIT. i have absolutely no idea what i wanted to blog about. shit.
-thinks for 15 min-

oh right...i remembered.

i just realized everything that i think about randomly. as in most of the things that pop into my mind randomly and spontaneously are coming true!

they are becoming reality. and its scary.

i cant give solid examples now, but its justthe small things in life and its just freaky.

who'd think that having "powers" are freaky.

next, i need to cultivate my telepathic skills.
to receive SOS signals.

decisions and regret

2006-06-17T12:31:00.000+08:00

i realize i made a decision i'm gonna regret for the rest of my life!

why did i sacrifice my holiday?

was it worth it?

argh...i hate myself!

edit 11.21pm

ok, if there's one thing i learn today.

its that perseverance and patience pays off. you just gotta keep trying and trying and trying.

here's how i learnt it. you see, im' trying very very desperately to watch football online. and my wonderful buddy found this really really good source, so i downloaded it and i tried to open but LOL and BEHOLD it wun work!

TRUST ME, after all that trouble and you learn that it wont work, your heart drops to the ground with a big bang! literally, it drops and breaks, the disappointment is indescribable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i tried and i tried. i installed and uninstalled and install and uninstalled a total of 4 times...i know its not a lot... but after each try you keep getting disappointed, it gets to you slowly...it make you just want to give up...and the repeated process of getting your hopes up high only to have them crash down in your face sucks! i mean it! it tears at you!

so i told my buddy who's been a great help to send me her file, maybe it will work...just maybe! so after a long arduous wait, it finally finished downloading! so i downloaded and installed for the fifth time. and still...

IT WUN WORK! ok....so i contemplated giving up. but i really didn't want to...so i decided to try again...haha my buddy was impressed with my patience..hahaha...

so being the desperado i am...i just tried and clicked on every single button there was and tried..installing it like a gazillion times....and then..finally..i decided to install in a different location..then suddenly this popup came up and told me about some connection rubbish! so instead of terminating the connection..i allowed it..and YES! THANK THE HEAVENS

IT WORKED! SO ALL ALONG IT WAS MY NORTON ANTIVIRUS THINGY THAT WAS BLOCKING THE CONNECTION! hence all the previous time didn't work! hahah

so yup, its working right now! and i'm damn happy! it really really is pure happiness and excitement! so yup...i'm gonna go off and enjoy my football now! i'm really really happy

thank you lord for not giving up on me and not letting me give up on myself! thanks to perseverance, patience and desperation...i got my way in the end! so yup! :)

changes

2006-06-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

i was talking to my pri sch classmates today and we both agreed that everyone changes with time.

and thinking back, i realise i've become more indifferent. as in more detached, i really dont know where i am or what i'm doing with my life. seriously.

i mean, when i say indifferent, i dont mean that i dont care, bochup, but like sometimes, i feel so much, there's so much emotions and feelings evoked in me, and so many things i wanna say, but i just dont say it and neither do i express it.

i remember last time, i use to say so much and express so much and laugh so so so much more, i can say i'm definately the loudest one and craziest one, but now? i'm not so sure. i no longer speak of what i feel spontaneously and i dont go all drama and expressive anymore.

of course up until now, as long as my friends or people around me are unhappy and like troubled, i'll confirm show concern. THAT I'M SO SO SO SURE. and i'm free to listen anytime, i'll always be here for them to confide in.

but, me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

FOOTBALL!!!

2006-06-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm here to profess my new found love for soccer.hahaha. imagine this.
less than two weeks ago, when someone mentioned fifa world cup i was like huh? wat?
today? wat match? huh? and now i'm like, soccer? yeah, tonight is blah blah blah....ok, so like wth?!

ok, yesterday, i was trying to hard to catch the spain vs ukraine match. because i dont have cable, i have to watch online, but my com was just being an ass so it didn't connect so yup, i was DYING! well coz on one hand, i was trying to connect, but it wouldn't. and then the uncles and ah peks at the coffee shop were like screaming every few minutes, and i'm like huh? wat?
WHAT JUST HAPPENED? AHHHHHHHHHH!!! and i had to read the match cast and ask my football buddy, shong what was going on! i was panicking lar, and talking to myself and jumping up and down and cheering when spain scored! but to a blank computer screen, how stupid lar?!

so yup, i got to catch the germany vs poland match at 3am! hahaha...i was about to fall asleep liao, but then suddenly germny scored! i jumped out of my seat lar! i was like! FINALLY! YEAH BABY! hahahahahhahahah..so yup, they won, but by a very very last minute goal in the last 10 minutes! hahahaha.....

ok, so facts about football and me.
1. i support germany, brazil and england. but i want germany to win. hahahaha
2. i think the german coach is cute. at least i think the guy i saw who is cute is the coach, my buddy thinks so too.
3. speaking of buddy, i wanna say a beeg beeg thank you to shong! she rocks! watching football with her is damn fun! :)

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!

secrets

2006-06-13T13:24:00.000+08:00

What happens when you accidentally stumble upon someone else's deep dark secret which you never wanted to know and was better off not knowing because you never need to.

Do you pretend you dont know?
Or do you ask them about it?

The secrets we all keep.

Now it all makes sense to me now.

lord help me, Amen

2006-06-12T15:03:00.000+08:00

This baggage is too heavy for me.
I cant stand up anymore. My knees are giving way.

Its killing me. i'm so tired. i cant breathe...because i'm suffocating under its maasive weight.

This is what you get when you dont allow yourself to fail and you're a perfectionist.

but though i'm dying, i'd rather carry this weight then leave it for someone else to pick it up.

only hope i'll hold out til the end.

am i very weak?
i think i am.

Lord, give me strength, give me the courage to stand up and fight again because i dont want to lose the battle and even more so, the war. i dont want to admit defeat, i want to win,i want to lead people to victory. i wont allow myself to fail, i'll never live with the guilt and it'll eat me one day. But what do i do when people dont listen? Lord help me, give me the power to command so people will listen. The destination seems so near and yet so far, and we've come so far already, so please lord, help me to finish the journey.

Then i'll rest and have all the sleep i need and lost.

Thank you lord Jesus.

fcked up lil' me

2006-06-10T15:18:00.000+08:00

me and my fucked up life!

fantastic!

i'm fucking usless. did you know that?
yeah!

i wanna go and die!

What a special day

2006-06-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

07/06/2006

today.

Ill never forget this day.

Its a special day.

Too many things have happened today.

A mix of happiness and unhappiness.

Tears. Stress. Anger. Unhappiness. Hurt. Hopelessness.

Helplessness. Apologies. Hurt.

Fun. Movies. Anxiety.

Also, the day I shed the first tear of the year.

Drama. Bus rides. Go out.

Ive been fighting with time all this while today, trying to grab every minute that passes, but it slips through my fingers.

Just like that.

What a special day

2006-06-07T23:16:00.001+08:00

What a special day

2006-06-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

07/06/2006

today.

Ill never forget this day.

Its a special day.

Too many things have happened today.

A mix of happiness and unhappiness.

Tears. Stress. Anger. Unhappiness. Hurt. Hopelessness.

Helplessness. Apologies. Hurt.

Fun. Movies. Anxiety.

Also, the day I shed the first tear of the year.

Drama. Bus rides. Go out.

I’ve been fighting with time all this while today, trying to grab every minute that passes, but it slips through my fingers.